Say what you want about Mel “GAHHH FUCKING JEWS!!!” Gibson and his anti-Semitic remarks, but you must admit, this guy is one fucking badass director. Apocalypto not only backups my point, but… well… it just backups my point. So does Passion of the Christ, and as I am told by others, Braveheart (I haven’t seen it yet, so I’m only going by what people have been saying, mainly Aegir).

The story begins as elder Flint Sky, his son Jaguar Paw, and other young men of this ancient Mayan civilization playing jokes on one another after hunting down a wild tapir. Everyone back at the village is happy, playing, dancing, and telling stories to one another around the fire. The first fifteen minutes are funny as hell, as the others play a joke on Jaguar Paw. I’m not going to tell you what they do, but not only will you laugh, you will be squeamish for the rest of the movie.

But the next day, all that comes to a halt when the village is raided by warriors who take the strong away as slaves, and leave the dead and children behind, as well as Jaguar Paw’s pregnant wife and child, who have hidden in a deep hole. Jaguar Paw’s vicious captors believe in sacrifices to the gods, and plan on offering him as a sacrifice. And they are about to, until a solar eclipse comes, meaning that the gods have been satisfied. So, they can’t do anything with the rest of the captors, but kill them. And this is where you become fucking amazed.

The captors take Jaguar Paw and other captives to a ball field, tell them to run, while the raiders target them by shooting arrows and throwing stones. We see captives getting killed, and when it’s Jaguar Paw’s turn, he not only runs, he gets hit with an arrow and kills the leader’s son, and keeps running. The leader declares war, and goes chasing after him. Oh, it is sooooo fucking on. Prepare the masses bitches, because this means war. And what else to do than get revenge on these fuckers?

What I really liked about Apocalypto was that it never made me bored. The last 45 minutes is one thrill after another, and Jaguar Paw is the real definition of what a hero. He is out on a mission to not be killed, and to get his wife, his son, and his unborn baby out alive. Rudy Youngblood (coolest action movie star name… ever, lso sounds like a rapper) is just a star on the screen. Not only did the guy kick ass in this movie, he ran faster than Forrest Gump did (although Gump wasn’t being chased and having rocks thrown and shot with arrows).

The DVD includes a commentary featuring Mel “GAHHH FUCKING JEWS!!!” Gibson and writer Farhad Safinia, a deleted scene, and a featurette called “Becoming Mayan: Making ‘Apocalypto’”. There’s also an original Mayan language track as well as English, Spanish, French subtitles. None of these special features have I gotten to watch; to tell you the truth, Im not a big special features person, although I may have to listen to those “Reno 911!: Miami” tracks where they are in character. Oh yeah, Apocalypto has one kick-fucking-ass DTS 5.1 track.

This movie is kind of like The Marine, in a way, just better and no explosions (I can’t remember if there was). The film is a very good one, worth watching at home with your surround sound.

Oh, and I forgot… this movie isn’t about an apocalypse. Just informing you.