SPOILER WARNING: This review contains tons and TONS of spoilers, including the ending. You’ve been warned.

Vantage Point
Directed by Pete Travis
Starring Dennis Quaid, Matthew Fox, Forest Whitaker
Rated PG-13
Release date: Feb. 22, 2008

“Matthew Fox from “˜Lost?’ You know what’s interesting about him? NOTHING!” — Seth Rogan, Knocked Up

Well didn’t this weekend just suck monkey dick. My one computer crashed on Saturday and Sunday it manages to wipe out all of our shit, including my music. Also on Sunday, I was given the opportunity to see one of three films – Vantage Point, Semi-Pro, or Definitely, Maybe. Being that I had to review Vantage Point for Geeks of Doom and Semi-Pro for FilmArcade, I narrowed my choices down to those two. Since I was a week late with Vantage Point, I caught that one. And I can tell you right now that without seeing Semi-Pro whether or not I made a good choice.

Vantage Point ends up being one of the longest 23-minute movies I ever seen. Yes, the film is 90 minutes, but the actual events in the movie itself take place around 23 minutes. The film is a rip-off of Kurosawa’s classic Rashomon. Using its viewpoint technique, Vantage Point could easily have become the most inventive film of 2008, but instead, it manages to become the Spider-Man 3 of 2008. Its problems are so correctable that you can even tell that it was directed by a first-time director”¦ and it was. Mr. Pete Travis only worked on television upon this film, and he uses his television gimmicks while directing Vantage Point. He has directed a 90-minute episode of Lost, had it taken place in Spain, and instead of one vantage point an episode, there are five within one episode.

Vantage Point tells the story (or five or six stories, if you REALLY want to get technical, but I ain’t one for correcting”¦ and if someone would like to explain the irony in the statement, now is the goddamn time) of a few people that gather to watch the President (William Hurt) deliver a speech. There are two Secret Service agents, one that took a bullet for the President and wound up being the center of everyone’s jokes (Dennis Quaid) and another one that is a rogue (Matthew Fox, and I told you I was going to spoil it, so you were warned). There is a television news director (Sigourney Weaver) who gets on everyone’s nerves (including Zoe Saldana). There is an American tourist that talks like he is a pedophile to little children (Forest Whitaker). Then there is one policeman who knows the mayor (Eduardo Noriega)”¦ and apparently if you know the mayor, you know the President.

While the President walks to the microphone, two shots are fired into his chest. The policeman that knows the officer jumps onto the stage to protect the mayor, but he’s tackled by Dennis Quaid’s character. A few more secret service men pull him away while Quaid questions Whitaker and his camera. Then he runs to where the stage was”¦ but a big explosion occurs. Someone has set a bomb off to kill everyone else. That begins a wild goose chase that we see five more times throughout the movie, with different camera angles, different point-of-views, but the same exact thing that I’ve seen in movies like The Bourne Ultimatum and V For Vendetta — full of shakey-cam and conspiracies.

One of the parts that should be really exciting is the scenes where we get the different point of views. It starts out right on the ball by showing Saldana in the middle of it all. It creates an intense situation so up close that we seen in films like Cloverfield and I Am Legend, and it works just as effectively. This scene alone is worth that one star. For the rest of the film, it just goes downhill. Have you seen a film that literally repeats itself like a damn record? Vantage Point goes from one person’s point of view, begins it with them all normal, and ends it in a twist that could be used to signal a commercial break for a show like Lost. Then it rewinds and it repeats itself, but with a different character. Within thirty minutes of the film, we see the same exact explosion three times and see the same exact acting three times. I got the hint of what went on by the first time it occurred, so I don’t need to see it a second and third time.

While we’re talking about TV shows, I also might as well bring up the fact how the director and writer worked oh so very hard to bring all of these characters together. Heroes tried that at the end of the first season, and while it succeeded, it was a fierce and long battle to succeed. But Tim Kring knew what he was doing back then and left us guessing how it would all go down in the final battle. Here, first-time film director Pete Travis tries really hard just to get the cast together. A location about twenty blocks away from the assassination just doesn’t make sense, especially when the twists start flying at you. Vantage Point and Travis think that they know the definition of the word “fate,” but I think they should leave that word to Matt Reeves and J.J. Abrams over at Cloverfield.

And seriously, what is up with the entire cast? Aside from Zoe Saldana and William Hurt, the acting wasn’t as convincing as it should have been. In a serious situation like an assassination attempt on the President, they all looked like they were kidding around. Dennis Quaid was caught making faces at the camera a few times and Forest Whitaker acting as a nice American tourist didn’t make that much sense to me, especially after watching him in The Last King of Scotland just last year. I won’t even mention Sigourney Weaver either, who just shows up to receive her paycheck. I’ll have to admit though, Saldana’s scene alone was the best part about the movie. I think I LIKE her now.

I couldn’t mention Vantage Point without mentioning Matthew Fox though. Yes, I love Lost, but I’m not one of those die-hard fans that will shank the living shit out of someone for saying something like, “That twist sucked.” No, fuck you. Lost always had great twists and it always tried. Even at its low point in the middle of the second season I still supported it. I will admit, however, that I almost turned away from the show because of Matthew Fox. I don’t understand what is so special about a guy who acts hot shit to a camera on a TV show and expects to do the same thing in a movie. He’s not the only one to blame for this. His character leaves in one scene and doesn’t appear for another fifty minutes, so immediately he’s already prime suspect number one. Acting as a rogue doesn’t suit him either. He should stick to being a doctor, or I’ll stick it there for him.

But hey, what is there to bitch about when there is a happy ending? The bad guys die, the President is safe, and the President’s men manage to cover it up by telling news reporters that everything is alright and the President wasn’t harmed all that badly. But it just goes to show you that you cannot end a film like Vantage Point without ending it with a conspiracy. I would give my left nut to see a film where the President was actually shot instead of crying and saying that he’s okay and get the fucking cameras out of my face.

Or you can be like V For Vendetta: begin it with a conspiracy and end it with the truth. But maybe that would be too hard and too thoughtful to do. I smell another twist”¦

* out of ****