That…may be the best and strangest headline I’ve ever had to write.
Anyway! In a conversation with People recently, Heidi Montag shared her big new plans after The Hills was finally killed by MTV. And what does the blond darling who looks nothing like she did a few years ago, is the first woman to pull off a Maxim spread in Playboy magazine, and is married to a gentleman who may just be more disliked than she is have planned for her future? A new reality show? Continuing her pursuit of a music career? Fighting side-by-side with Dolly Parton against 3D sharks with their own breasts?
Well, my friends, if you chose the music one, you may be correct — who the hell knows — but the correct answer is actually C (I know there’s not a “C” up there), fighting off 3D sharks! Montag shared that she has actually written a script about a small community with a shark problem (ya know, just like that classic one with the water and the guy from Mr. Holland’s Opus) that will be in 3D and star her as the heroine.
I am making the first 3D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3D boobs. I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!
I’m so excited The Hills is finally over and I can now become a full time motion picture actress – there is no better training [for an actor] than being in front of the cameras 24-7 – I’m now finally free to start my career and my new life as a female mogul in Hollywood!
My first reaction to this all was naturally (*giggle*) that it was as fake (tee-hee!) as…decorative plastic fruit? Yeah. But if it is indeed true, I have to think this fine young talent won’t literally be fighting off these beasts of the seas using her own breasts as weapons Ã la Austin Powers. Still, she did say it — you see it right there — and we all just love to take what celebrities gives the precious.
Aside from all of that wackiness, who’d see this? I might.