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GOP Seeks Headbanger For President; Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine Answers The Call
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Disgusted with the rich empty suits currently in the running, the Republican Party is now looking to the world of heavy metal for the right candidate to put up as leader of the free world. RNC Chairman Reinhold Reince Priebus was quoted today, April 1, 2012, as saying, “We like Ted Nugent because he’s into guns and stuff, but Dave Mustaine is really the perfect combination of extremist vitriol and worldwide appeal. I mean, Megadeth is really popular in other countries, so it’s like a no-brainer.”

The guitar-wielding wildly-maned Mustaine responded immediately to the call of duty by putting in his bid for election. “Well it’s about fucking time the world sees what greatness I have to offer it,” the Megadeth frontman said. “I mean, America would be so lucky to have me as President because I’m the only one who knows what the fuck is really going on around here.”

Nugent could not be reached for a comment as he was elbow-deep in a deer he was prepping for Sunday dinner.

Mustaine’s bid should come as no surprise to anyone, as it’s obvious that the heavy metal mainstay has been eying the Presidential position, presumably out of spite, since 1986 after someone had the audacity to tell him he couldn’t hold the office, as evidenced from his lyrics in the Megadeth song “Peace Sells… But Who’s Buying?”: “What do you mean I couldn’t be the President of the United States of America?”

The musician turned politician has yet to reveal details of his official platform, but he would like to mandate that all starving African women who can’t afford to have children “put a plug in it”. He also promises to form a task force to find out, once and for all, “Who’s Buying?”

Additional contributing by Empress Eve. Image Credit: Dave3

UPDATE: FYI, in case some of you didn’t know, today is April Fool’s Day, the international day of all seriousness.

7 Comments »

  1. Funny stuff, Book Slave. XD   Seriously though, Dave Mustaine, who was a righteous human being and metal god, has turned into the biggest shill for the Far Right this side of Ted Nugent ever since he became a Born-Again Christian.  Proof that organized religion is making us all stupid.

    Comment by MadMike — April 1, 2012 @ 5:13 pm

  2. Not all of us, Mad Mike! ;-)

    Comment by Jen Daniele — April 1, 2012 @ 6:00 pm

  3. “since 1986 after someone had the audacity to tell him he couldn’t hold
    the office, as evidenced from his lyrics in the Megadeth song “Peace
    Sells… But Who’s Buying?”: “What do you mean I couldn’t be the President
    of the United States of America?””

    This is so hilarious. I can’t.

    Comment by DouglasEdwardWortel — April 1, 2012 @ 6:36 pm

  4. More dinosaur rock?

    Comment by Larry Linn — April 14, 2012 @ 2:41 pm

  5. […] GOP Seeks Headbanger For President; Megadeth’s Dave Mustaine Answers The Call […]

    Pingback by Social Blend » Blog Archive » Social Blend 195: Old Greg and the Reddit Karma of WORF? — August 22, 2012 @ 11:46 pm

  6. What are you talking about? Dave is a much better person since he found Jesus.

    Comment by Kenny — November 23, 2014 @ 5:48 am

  7. Put a plug in it. Look Mr. Mustaine does realize, that we don’t care what he thinks. He just making a fool himself. What he saying now, 20 years ago you could say anywhere, some of it. The obama planned Colorado shooting theory, proves that he’s nuts.

    But. He’s need to think about what he’s saying. Today on the net, what you could say in passing 20 years ago that got a laugh, now is disected, magnified, amplified, and shove into 200+ blogs with 24 hrs.

    You wanna ruin your career with your mouth go right ahead. Back in 80’s a good band manager would had put the kabosh on that.

    Comment by Brian Wozniak — July 18, 2016 @ 10:20 pm

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