Ice-T Records Dungeons & Dragons Audiobook, Calls It “Crazy, Deep, Nerd Shit”
By Empress Eve
Saturday, February 8th, 2014 at 9:00 am
Ice-T has been many things in his 55 years of life: actor, rapper pimp, pot dealer, thief, prisoner, gang associate, bank robber, Army man, father, and reality TV star. Now, Ice has something new to add to his Wikipedia page: Dungeons & Dragons audiobook narrator.
The Law & Order actor talked about his new “out of the box” Audible project on the latest episode of his podcast, Ice T’s Final Level, which is sponsored in part by the Amazon-owned audiobook giant. While the actor knew he was booked for an audiobook narration gig, interestingly enough, he wasn’t told in advance what he’d be reading.
“They didn’t tell me this was a motherfuckin’ Dungeons & Dragons book,” Ice revealed, going on to explain what Dungeons & Dragons is for those who might not know, referring to the high fantasy world as “crazy, deep, deep, deep nerd shit.”
Here’s some excerpts from Ice’s description of D&D, the universe which began as a tabletop roleplaying game and went on to spawn other worlds across multiple platforms, like books, comic books, television, video games, movies, and more, over its rich 40-year history. And in case you didn’t see it coming from the initial snippets cited above, the following excerpts contain strong language.
“Dungeons & Dragons is some of the most crazy, deep, deep, deep nerd shit ever invented, so every word you’re saying is pretty much made up.”
“Motherfuckers talk like Yoda.”
“Talkin ’bout Pegasuses and Pegasi. That’s horses with wings.”
“This motherfucker got a sword that talks to him and shit.”
“This shit is crazy.”
“Motherfuckers live in places that don’t exist and it comes with a map.”
The Law & Order: Special Victims Unit star explained that the dialogue was so confounding that it took him 3 1/2 hours to read just 25 pages of the short story assigned to him, the title of which he did not reveal. (The part about the talking sword seems to be the only clue as to what he was working on.)
The former Body Count singer explained that since the words in this type of book are “made up,” that the pronunciations were difficult to figure out, but then went on to cite dialogue that sounds strangely like the English language:
“‘Outside I go into the sun thereof in out.'”
… to which he said:
What the fuck, how do you read this shit?
He tops it off by proclaiming:
This shit is impossible to read, son.
I really wish he had cited some actual made-up words.
Anyhow, I’d love to know who at Audible thought it would be a good idea to get Ice T in to read a D&D story. Let’s face it, after hearing about Ice’s experience recording it, you know you just have to hear what the final product sounds like — and maybe that’s the point! Ice says it will be a treat, and I’m sure it will be.
It will be a treat to watch me with my South Central-educated ass trying to read some Dungeon [sic] & Dragons shit.
He wraps up the conversation with podcast co-host Mick Benzo by saying he told his manager never to book him for something like that again and to next time let it be to read porno, for which he’s more familiar.
Listen to Ice talk about his D&D experience in the latest episode of Ice T’s Final Level – the D&D portion at the beginning of the podcast and lasts for around six minutes.