By Dr. Zaius
Wednesday, September 9th, 2015 at 6:00 pm
You all knew it was going to “happen.” M. Night Shyamalan‘s The Visit is set to hit theaters this week. It’s a horror film with incredibly eerie trailers about grandkids staying with their strange and perhaps murderous grandparents. “Would you mind crawling in the oven to clean it,” says the Grandma in one scene from the preview. If this was not Shyamalan, it would be really freaky without second thoughts. Unfortunately, we live in a world where The Happening exists. The Happening was one of the greatest film experiences I ever had, but for all the wrong reasons. I was psyched for The Happening. The previews were great and scary, the people throwing themselves off buildings, the lawnmower, a girl stabbing herself in the neck! Instead, within minutes the packed house was hysterically laughing. When the suicides started, the laughing got LOUDER! By the midway point, it had become clear that this wasn’t just a bad movie. It was a spectacular trainwreck of awfulness, in the great tradition of Manos: Hands of Fate. People walking out cackled, “It might just be the worst movie… EVER!” So, for those nervous about The Visit, here is the Honest Trailer for one of the absolute suck-bombs of all time, M. Night Shyamalan’s 2008 debacle, The Happening.
Check out the Honest Trailer below.
Narrator Jon Bailey goes right to it, mocking everything that was so wonderfully bad, calling it the funniest movie of 08 – the acting, the dialogue, the terrible line reads, Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel‘s facial expressions. “Mark Wahlberg giving a Donnie Wahlberg performance.” Bailey mocks the total ineptness of the plot, and the fact that the surprise Shyamalan twist was that there was no twist, and really that’s all that there was, trees and the wind. “The least scariest monster in film history… gently, rustling, leaves.” Starring… Grass, Bushes, Leaves, Elms, Maples… you get the point. New title: What the F*** is Happening? HA!
After a few last horrible lines and scenes, Bailey asks, “What is up with this movie?” and I think I have an answer. So after seeing The Happening in theaters, I immediately turned to my friends and future wife, and told them my theory. It was all a joke. I think this was his “F U” to everyone. He set out to make an all time stinker to force critics and audiences to sit through the crap, and take it all in. Like we sniffed toxin from the trees in The Happening. Seriously, I’ve seen Almost Famous and The Departed; Deschanel and Wahlberg actually can act, so what was up?
In a classy touch, Bailey ends every Honest Trailer by reading tweeted pop culture quotes in his awesome voice. This week was a tribute to the late great Wes Craven, as Bailey read classic lines from A Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream, and other Craven classics. Screen Junkies have over 4.6 million subscribers on YouTube and release a new Honest Trailer every Tuesday.
Honest Trailer – The Happening
Before M. Night Shyamalan’s latest hits theaters, revisit one of the most confusing, unintelligible, bizarre films of all time – The Happening! It’s about killer trees.