By Dr. Zaius
Tuesday, June 14th, 2016 at 9:06 pm
Are you ready for Finding Dory? Because the gang at Screen Junkies are, and they’re getting you prepared with an Honest Trailer for the 2003 Disney/Pixar hit Finding Nemo. You remember, the one that you absolutely loved; until you watch it again, and realize Nemo’s mom and siblings were eaten by a barracuda in the opening few minutes. So get ready to well up your eyes, because Disney is about to hit you in the heartstrings again. Hopefully this sequel is more Toy Story 2 than Cars 2…
Check out the Honest Trailer below.
Narrator Jon Bailey feigns crying, while making me get teary from laughter at his opening line, “Meet Marlin, a dad coping with living through the first ten minutes of a Pixar movie.” And watch as he takes advantage of the handicapped and drags Dory around, the character you think you remember loving in the theater, but will drive you absolutely batshit insane after your kids make you watch Nemo 400 times! And based on her memory issues, Bailey ponders whether she was right as a standalone sequel character”¦ after all some characters can’t carry 90-minutes… I’m looking at you Minions.
Watch the kid version of Jaws, as it spends the length of the movie making you terrified of an ocean, “a nonstop murder parade.” It’s filled with sharks, whales, angler fish, jellyfish, scuba divers that want to steal you, and birds that will swoop down into the water to eat you… yikes… that is scarier than Jaws. And I must’ve missed the news stories about a mass increase of clownfish purchases… OMG, after Jaws people went nuts and starting fishing for sharks, after Nemo they fished for clownfish. Does that mean Nemo is Jaws?
So follow the cookie cutter Pixar formula:
Step 1 – Emotionally jarring opening
Step 2 – Sensitive lead characters with wacky sidekicks
Step 3 – Just enough poop jokes to entertain the kids
Step 4 – Enough genuine feelings to make you re-evaluate your life.
Starring: Mr. Mom, Memento, Fishstick, Willem DaFin, and The Walking dead Season 4 (CORAL!!!)… new title, Taken.
Finding Dory is in theaters everywhere Friday, June 17th in 3D. Screen Junkies currently have over 5.5 million subscribers on YouTube and release new Honest Trailers every Tuesday.