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NJ Metal Band Fires Drummer For Not Knowing All Metal Subgenres
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Local death metal band, Auditory Vomit, is looking for a new drummer after firing Don “Cymbal Slayer” Greenblatt from the band. Reports say that it all started when Greenblatt got into an argument with singer and band founder, Trevor “I Eat Kittens for Breakfast” Odermeyer. Band members, bass player Fred “Thunder Strummer 69” Finestein and guitar player Nils “Slammer Hammer” Henriksen claim the two began arguing during a rehearsal in Odermeyer’s mother’s basement in their home town of Trenton, NJ.

“They started arguing because my singer (Odermeyer) thought that Christian metal was called white metal and my drummer (Greenblatt) thought it was called non black metal,” says bassist Finestein. “Then they really started getting into it because it turned out that my drummer didn’t know what National Socialist black metal was, and he also didn’t know the difference between black metal and blackened death metal. I guess it’s pretty lame, but he was the only guy who played double bass in Trenton, except for this one other guy, but he’s like 50… so… I’m not sure what we’re gonna do now.”

Odermeyer’s mother says, “I was just about to go down and bring them some cookies when I heard them start fighting. You should have heard what he called my boy! Where do they learn such language?”

“I’d like to see them go on without me,” says Greenblatt. “They’re lame posers anyway. I’m pretty sure Trevor (Odermeyer) has no idea what Neue Duetsche Harte is. Am I pronouncing that correctly?” When asked about future plans, Greenblatt says, “I don’t know. Megadeth is probably going to need a new drummer sooner or later.”

Odermeyer was not available for comment.

Auditory Vomit currently has gigs lined up at the Hellhole, and Jorge’s 18th birthday bash in Teaneck. It is uncertain whether the band will be able to come through on their commitments now that Greenblatt is no longer in the band. “We were thinking of just going acoustic but Fred (Finestein) says that “‘Assisted Suicide’ and ‘Fetus Stew’ just wouldn’t sound the same without drums,” says guitarist Henriksen.

Auditory Vomit will be holding open auditions for drummers in Odermeyer’s mother’s basement on April 8th from 12-8 PM. They encourage those who are interested to show up early to ensure that they are guaranteed an audition slot. For more information, you can reach out to the band at yourmothersuckscockinhell@gmail.com for more information.

2 Comments »

  1. Maybe just delete this sort of stuff once April Fool’s Day is out the way. At that point it’s outlived its welcome.

    Comment by Spag_Hoops — April 3, 2017 @ 10:17 am

  2. Yes, indeed. Expunge the Web daily.

    Comment by Benjay Turpin — April 13, 2017 @ 11:02 pm

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