Daredevil Now ‘Risk-Averse Angel’ After Born Again Conversion

In a development so stunning it made me drop a cup of coffee on my foot this morning, Daredevil – the self-proclaimed nocturnal protector of Hell’s Kitchen (the neighborhood in New York, not the cooking show with that perpetually angry British dude) – has revealed that he has become a born again Christian and will no longer battle crime as Daredevil.

“I can no longer continue my fight against the criminal element of this city while dressed as a poorly-attired minion of the dark lord Satan,” Daredevil said to the assembled press early this morning. “I am now….Risk-Averse Angel!”

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Umlaut Under Attack By GOP In Race To Demonize Everything Foreign
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A town hall debate today that included Republican frontrunners Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, which was to have focused on what was referred to as “an attack on America’s core values,” took a strange turn when the two contenders actually joined together for a 40-minute rant about the dangers of the umlaut.

Yes, you read that correctly. The umlaut. For more information, continue reading.

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DC Makes Bold Move To Reshoot All Films With Funko Pop! Figures
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In all areas of the consumer world, money rules supreme. And no company knows that more than DC Entertainment. With live-action film after live-action film being panned by critics and fans alike, the Warner Bros. subsidiary has decided to create an entirely new way of bringing their iconic superheroes to life.

To be more precise, DC announced today that they have teamed up with Funko to create several amazing new lines of Pop! figures that will be used first and foremost to recreate their previous live-action movies as stop-motion animated films.

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‘Vikings’ Spinoff ‘Valhalla’ Set For Summer 2016!
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The History Channel announced today that a spinoff of their very popular show Vikings, called Valhalla is set to hit the air in Summer of 2016!

“This is an opportunity to bring back all of those characters we loved and lost in a believable way,” show creator Michael Hirst told GoD. “Our viewers have been really upset with us as of late, and that, coupled with the curiosity of just what Valhalla is, is what pushed us to create this show.”

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Kickstarter Launches Indiegogo Crowdfunding Campaign
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In an amazing turn of events, crowdfunding site Kickstarter has launched an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign to help cover the cost of revamping their own website. With a modest goal of $10,000, this is sure to be a hit with patrons of both sites.

Referencing the slicker, more modern look of Indiegogo’s homepage, an unnamed Kickstarter executive said that if all goes well, the new site should be up and running within a few weeks of the campaign completing. When asked if it seemed odd that a crowdfunding site was using a different fundraising site to gain the capital needed, the Kickstarter employee (not Perry Chen, Yancey Strickler, Lance Ivy, Fred Benenson, Cedric Howe, Kendel Ratley, Mike McGregor, Justin Kazmark, Tieg Zaharia, Jed Meade, Nicole He, Aaron Suggs, Zack Sears, Stephanie Pereira, Aurora Thornhill, Alex Cox, Andrew Boyajian, Dan Drabik, Brandon Williams, Tomasz Werner, Katherine Pan, Bridget Best, Shannon Ferguson, Niina Pollari, Ian Scott, Luke Crane, Michal Rosenn, Christopher Wright, Michael Stewart, Jake Loeterman, Shayne Barr, John Dimatos, Jamie Tanner, David Gallagher, George Schmalz, Amanda Niu, Terry Romero, Hayley Rosenblum, Carol Benovic, Jeremy Salfen, Justin Jones, Taylor Moore, Megan McFerren, Liz Cook, Natalie Ung, Julio Terra, Katie Needs, Victoria Rogers, Julie Wood, Nitsuh Abebe, Alex Proba, Chase Pashkowich, Nick Yulman, Craig Engler, Margot Atwell, Sam Hockley-Smith, David Peter, Dana Haynes, Alfie Palao, Charlie Mirisola, Margaret Raimondi, Maris Kreizman, Jes Nelson, Sara Rowghani, Jon Leland, Melissa Wong, Win Giamportone, Owen Katz, Katie Mandel, Alex Hudson, Emma Tangoren, Ryan Closner, Nigel Warren, Kevin Showkat, Keith Holjencin, Jackson Lynch, Scott Briggs, Marissa Demers, Christine Tadler, Ben Linsay, Renee Park, Dan Schoenbrun, Jason Goss, James Turnbull, Catie Myers-Wood, Dina Neishtadt, Kilian McMahon, Willis Plummer, Travis Brace, Susanna Brumm, Meg Heim, Ben Cole, Rebecca Poulson, Kewhyun Kelly-Yuoh, Lindsey Smith, Stephanie Li, Julie Swoope, Noah Kardos-Fein, Maren Mitchell, Sid Orlando, Rebecca Sliter, Sophia Ng, Chris Beck, Lili Burns, Willa Koerner, Raul Reymundi, Susan Hinton, or Lena Imamura) explained that with Indiegogo they got to keep whatever they raised, making it a win/win situation regardless of the outcome. Will this be a success?

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