Well-y, well-y, welly, well. It’s that time again! Time for my best blood, the soul-sucking, brain-eating, clock-watching, Time Zombie (Benedict Zombiepatch, if yer nasty), to make his way ’round to all those places that still abide by that antiquated old candle-saving trick of the clock: Daylight Saving Time!

I know you all think you’re moving your clock ahead for some logical, beneficial reason, but that just isn’t the case. Old Ben means to make a meal of you (so do I, but we’ll talk about that later), and if you don’t set your clock ahead, trouble’s a-comin’.