Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever
DVD
Directed by Ti West
Starring Guiseppe Andrews, Noah Segan, Rider Strong, Alexi Wasser
Lionsgate Home Entertainment
Release Date: February 16, 2010

Last summer I saw Rob Zombie’s Halloween II and I didn’t think I would see a worse film that year and it turns out I didn’t (and mind you I saw Old Dogs). Four months into 2010 and I now believe I will not see a worse film this year than Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever, the long-awaited follow-up to the 2003 horror comedy that established Eli Roth — who had nothing to do with the sequel — as one of the most promising genre filmmakers to come along in years. Halfway through its 86 excruciating minutes I couldn’t wait to get this hunk of rancid shit out of my DVD player. Whenever I see a particularly bad movie I’m left feeling depressed and old, but after watching Cabin Fever 2 nearly a week after my 31st birthday I wanted to lock myself in my bedroom, close the blinds, and lay on the floor in the fetal position. Instead I went out on my front porch, lit up a cigarette, and spent several minutes reflecting on this movie and life in general. The morning weather had been cold and overcast yet as I stood outside basking in the cool March weather the sun started to emerge from behind a thick wall of clouds. It improved my mood somewhat but my opinion for the movie hadn’t changed.

I hate Cabin Fever 2 with a fiery passion and I feel it’s my duty to warn all my fellow movie buffs and horror fans to avoid this movie no matter the cost. Because I care. People who know me also know I’m a huge horror fan. I grew up watching horror films even during my earlier years when some would advise against subjecting an impressionable young mind to the sinful pleasures contained within the faded, flaking video boxes of various sizes (remember the big box?). To me the thrill of watching a scary movie was the greatest drug. I’ve seen so many over the years that I’m practically immune to whatever jolts, shocks, and gratuitous gore the horror filmmakers of today can throw at me.