DVD Review: 7 Below
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7 Below
Blu-ray | DVD
Directed by Kevin Carraway
Written by Kevin Carraway, Lawrence Sara
Starring Val Kilmer, Ving Rhames and Luke Goss
ARC Entertainment
Release Date: April 17, 2012

You know how your mother always said that if you don’t have anything nice to say then you shouldn’t say anything at all? Well, screw that. This movie was so utterly ridiculous that I cannot help but try to warn you off before you spend your hard earned cash on it or worse yet, actually watch it. I did manage to entertain my wife while I watched it, though. Mostly by my throwing my headphones off my head in disgust. 7 Below, indeed…this title is likely to represent the watcher’s IQ after having viewed it. I really do feel like I lost at least that many points after having viewed suffered through ninety minutes of this.

Imagine a van full of strangers. Okay, well, a van with two brothers, a married couple and two others…but whatever. Anyway, they are on their way to a resort and after a seemingly meaningless pit stop in a podunk town, a few of them start having odd hallucinations. One of which causes the van to wreck and strands them on the side of the road. Luckily, Jack (Ving Rhames) is driving by and gives them a ride back to his place. He rushes them all into his pickup, though I am unsure how all these people got into a single cab truck. His reasoning for hurrying: a “storm is coming.” He says it so many times in the beginning of the film that I keep envisioning the original ads for Game of Thrones before the first season started. I even walked around the house repeating it, much to my wife’s chagrin. But she’s a good sport, she kept it alive for the rest of the night mainly because…

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