By Dr. Zaius
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Friday, April 1st, 2016 at 3:00 pm
Turns out Batman v Superman was just the beginning of the DC universe’s superhero brawling. While Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill kept their battle confined to the big screen, several other actors associated with the famed comic brand got bloody and bruised today. At an early screening in Hollywood for the blockbuster hit, critics were shocked to witness a melee between TV’s Flash Grant Gustin and DCU Flash-to-be Ezra Miller.
Gustin, who has been Barry Allen/The Flash on the CW’s hit series since 2014, was asked by a reporter how he felt about being iced out of the upcoming DC film and Justice League mashup. “Of course I’m upset and a little hurt. At this point I feel I have some ownership of the character,” he responded. When asked about Ezra Miller, who cameoed in BvS, Gustin sarcastically added, “I guess he has what they’re looking for. He’s used to playing it dark and depressed.” Gustin was probably referencing Miller’s roles in movies like We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011) and Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) and the fact that Zack Snyder has continued Christopher Nolan’s tradition of darker and less colorful fun comic book movies.
Gustin further provoked things when Miller arrived to the red carpet, Gustin was heard yelling, “Don’t smile Ezra, Zack will fire your ass!” Miller did not react well, and channeling his new DC character was on Gustin in a “flash.” Ironically it was the film’s two biggest stars that broke the two apart, with Cavill pulling Miller off, and Affleck holding a bloody Gustin at bay. And that’s when things got even stranger, if you can believe it. Miller didn’t take kindly to Henry Cavill’s aggressive nature and coldcocked Superman in the jaw knocking him straight out. Affleck, who looked frozen in shock and awe lost track of Gustin who, bloody lip and all, leapt over a gaggle of paparazzi and tackled Miller to the ground and rained down blows before needing to be zapped with a stun gun from LAPD.
Gustin and Miller were both arrested, and Cavill was taken to a local hospital with concussion symptoms. When news of the incident broke, Jason Momoa quit the DCU. Momoa, who cameoed as Aquaman in the film, was slated to portray the Atlantis King in 2017’s Justice League Part One and 2018’s standalone Aquaman film. When asked for comment, his agent stated, “Mr. Momoa above all things is professional, and he will not be part of a ‘universe’ with such rampant unprofessionalism.” Gal Gadot (Wonder Woman) added, “There’s way too much testosterone for me here; have them call my people when they finish measuring their d***s.” This was the latest blow to DC who seemed to finally be hitting its stride after BvS broke opening weekend records despite mixed reviews.
Ben Affleck, when asked about the future of the DC film universe and the upcoming Justice League films, had no response. He just sat there looking sad humming Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sounds of Silence.” After an awkward few moments, he looked deep into the camera and simply said, “April Fool’s Day!”
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Students of the Unusual™ comic cover used with permission of 3BoysProductions
The Mercuri Bros.™ comic cover used with permission of Prodigal Son Press
hahaha
Comment by thefallen83 — April 1, 2016 @ 3:28 pm
April fools!!
Comment by Ben Perkins — April 2, 2016 @ 12:39 am
It hate it when sites run “stories” as April Fool’s jokes. They are a waste of my time.
Comment by Britt Reid — April 2, 2016 @ 1:57 pm
there’s a bidet around the corner.
.
go wash the sand out of your vagina.
Comment by FlensingFools — April 2, 2016 @ 6:38 pm
Hi geeks of doom is this story true is Grant Gustin really in jail?
Comment by Rexburn12 — April 2, 2016 @ 6:40 pm
Knew it was an april fools joke, otherwise it would have been EVERYWHERE. Also why I do not go online on April Fools Day
Comment by Callie Pyke — April 3, 2016 @ 1:50 am