Satan sent us candy!

Yup, you heard right. And not just any candy, 80’s candy, in our latest installment of Doom Deliveries!

One day, an ominous package was left at the doorstep of Geeks of Doom headquarters. At first, it was unclear what the contents were, but the words “Satan” and “Devil” and “Big League Chew” were all over the items. What in hell is this demonic package?

Turns out, it was DVD, Blu-ray, and VHS — yes, VHS — copies of The House Of The Devil, the new “satanic panic” retro horror film, getting its home release on February 2, 2010. Along with the multiple formats for the movie, there was a pack of buttons — one of which read “Satan Sucks” — and an 80’s grab bag of candy, including the aforementioned Big League Chew as well as Nerds, Pop Rocks, Whistle Pops, and much more.

The back of the worn-looking clamshell-housed VHS cassette was the warning: CAUTION: This film contains satanic references and graphic violence.

HA HA HA HA!

GoD staffer CrueChik was hanging out at the headquarters, going through the package, so check out the brief video here below of her opening up its contents.

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The latest Doom Delivery sure does live up to the name, as it’s an invitation to a Valentine’s Day dance which will surely lead me to my doom. It arrived via FedEx (not so doomy) and was very lightweight, so I couldn’t imagine what was in it. I opened it to find an artificial black rose (which I dig) and a small card with a drawn red heart on it that read…

YOU’RE INVITED!

WHAT: THE ANNUAL VALENTINE’S DAY DANCE
WHERE: VALENTINE BLUFFS
HOSTED BY: HARRY WARDEN

Uh-oh! As soon as I saw the name of the host, I knew that this was no innocuous Valentine’s Day dance! I knew this was a test! On the other side of the card was the message “Happy Anti-Valentine’s Day From Lionsgate” with an image of their recently released special edition DVD of the 1981 horror flick My Bloody Valentine.

Well, I received a second small manila envelope today. This time there is no mysterious metal briefcase attached but the return address is labeled Armacham Technology Corporation and it’s stamped “Level II Classification.” Obviously this is an invite to the “Fear Lab’ that Mr. or Mrs. ‘R’ warned me about last week.

Inside is a letter from A.T. Harmon, the C.O.O of Gaming and Simulation Division of Armacham. The letter opens with ‘Dear Candidate:” and continues with a request for my attendance in an upcoming “Fear Lab’ at an undisclosed location. Also in the envelope is an eight-page in-depth dossier and a press release from the Psycho-Kenitic Genetic’s division. The dossier concerns the Psychotronic Amplified Neuro-Inductive Cognition project (P.A.N.I.C., very cute). In it, I’m instructed go over all this information to determine my “Psi” abilities or lack thereof, and then fill out the attached questionnaire.

Now the question looms. Do I follow up on this pamphlet or do I heed the warning words of ‘R’ and await the code that will open up the metal briefcase?

Thoughts?

In the relatively short amount of time that Empress Eve and I have been running Geeks of Doom we’ve had a multitude of stuff just show up in our mailbox. Some of these packages have been pretty geeky cool, like the one-of-a-kind props sent to us by the animators of the upcoming stop-motion feature Coraline. Others have been hard to swallow, like the cans of unreleased soda for us to sample (get it? Swallow… I make a pun). So yeah, some downright diverse shit just shows up in our mailbox on the daily, and after a time we started calling these unsolicited mystery packages Doom Deliveries, a moniker that works on multiple levels.

Well, this Tuesday brought one of the more intriguing Doom Deliveries to date. The intrigue began with the circumstances of its arrival, which took place as I was out for a lunch break. When I returned to my office there was a small metal briefcase on my desk, the kind with a numerical tumbler lock. The one thing that immediately tugged at my stomach was that it wasn’t in a parcel that had been mailed to me, but had been seemingly hand delivered — this in disregard to the fact that my office door was locked and I work in a moderately secured building. I had taken notice there was a small manila envelope taped to the top of it with simply “Dave” handwritten on it, but being me, I ignored it and immediately tried to open the lock with one of the old standards. 666 (ala Pulp Fiction), 911, 411, 212, 718, 917… nothing. That’s when internal Dave said, “Okay, genius. How about you open the envelope?” Well, that and “‘What‘ ain’t no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in ‘What’?”

At the end of October, I was invited by Laika Entertainment to a sneak peek here in NYC of their upcoming 3D stop-motion animated feature Coraline. I got to see 30 minutes of the film, after which writer/director Henry Selick came out for an audience Q&A.

Soon after the screening, I got an email from the Coraline Team out in Portland, OR, telling me to be on the lookout for a package from them specially made for me with me in mind and that I will be one of 50 people slated to receive such an item — each being one of a kind.

This is a big deal for me, because I’m a great fan of the Coraline book, I love stop-motion, and c’mon, it’s Henry Selick, director of The Nightmare Before Christmas. There’s a reason I can’t stop writing about this project! Anyhow, so I couldn’t imagine what they’d be sending, but the other day it arrived — a handcrafted aged box with an oval plate that read “Handmade in Oregon – 14/50.” Inside the box was a weathered letter with a wax seal with a black button just like the ones used in the film. The letter explained why I was getting such a unique gift and a bit about how it was made. From what I can tell, from the few other people online I saw who’ve gotten their own box, most of the message is a standard form letter, but there’s one paragraph that specifically addresses the recipient. My paragraph has some nice things to say about Geeks of Doom (we’re artistic, hilarious, unconventional…), but probably the coolest thing it said was …

THAT’S WHY WE ADMIRE GEEKSOFDOOM – (GREATEST NAME EVER).