Well-y, well-y, welly, well. It’s that time again! Time for my best blood, the soul-sucking, brain-eating, clock-watching, Time Zombie (Benedict Zombiepatch, if yer nasty), to make his way ’round to all those places that still abide by that antiquated old candle-saving trick of the clock: Daylight Saving Time!

I know you all think you’re moving your clock ahead for some logical, beneficial reason, but that just isn’t the case. Old Ben means to make a meal of you (so do I, but we’ll talk about that later), and if you don’t set your clock ahead, trouble’s a-comin’.

The straight dope is thus: If you didn’t move your clock ahead one hour tonight at 2am, you’re either gonna wind up DEAD or in Arizona! Which is worse? Well, all I’m gonna say is I’ve been dead for years and I’m doing just fine.

Does that any make sense to you? No? Me either. I might be making this all up right now. Listen. It’s not like I’m saying zombies go out of our way to make life hard for you meatbags, but zombies go out of our way to make life hard for you meatbags.

I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this.

Depiction of time zombie provided by Neatorama’s Zombie Clock.