By Dr. Zaius
Wednesday, May 31st, 2017 at 2:00 pm
Wonder Woman debuts in theaters this week and is already stockpiling rave reviews. It’s being lauded not just as the best film in the DCEU, (since that’s no big compliment), but as a truly great achievement in comic book superhero filmmaking. Directed by Patty Jenkins and starring Gal Gadot in the titular role, the film is looking to break the box office and become a monument to feminism in film. I guess since we now have such lofty expectations for Wonder Woman, it makes sense for the gang at Screen Junkies to go back to a far darker time where women heroes were subjected to the dirt worst in screenwriting, filmmaking, just everything… this week’s Honest Trailer is Catwoman; yeah, that Catwoman.
Watch the Honest Trailer below.
Narrator Jon Bailey has a field day with this one as the insults come fast and furious. After all, this is universally renowned as one of the worst movies ever made. In 2004, the same year as Spider-Man 2 and a year before Batman Begins, a French visual effects artist named Pitof… yes, just Pitof, directed his first (and last) American film. Halle Berry was red hot, fresh off comic book success as Storm in X-Men and X2 and an Oscar winning role in Monster’s Ball. Here she’s Selina Kyle… no wait, this movie has NOTHING to do with the DC character apparently. She’s Patience, a graphic designer who is murdered, until a cat breathes on her corpse… seriously. And now she’s a superhero with awesome powers… or just the literal powers of a humanoid cat.
And just when you think, “Hey finally a superhero movie for women,” think again. Catwoman battles Sharon Stone; who is essentially playing Sharon Stone, with a devious plan to kill women with evil cosmetics, while Berry dances around in the most ludicrous “costume” ever, which looks more like some weirdo’s S&M fantasy… wait a minute, maybe I should write Catwoman fan fiction about S&M and I can make millions! I’ll call it “50 Spades of Grey.” I apologize for that awful joke, that was me, don’t blame the Screen Junkies.
The best part of revisiting this dreck is when Bailey takes us through the other pitiful superhero movies of the era, like Daredevil, emo-dance Spider-Man 3, whatever Ang Lee’s Hulk was, and the worst thing ever… Batman & Robin! Seriously, the basketball scene in Catwoman looks cut and pasted out of B&R… again, no compliment. After another shredding, Bailey concedes the only redeeming value this film has, is the fact that Halle Berry actually showed up to accept her Razzie and make a speech.
Starring: Puss in Boots, The Bratt and the Cat, BaSUCK Instinct, and The Lion King… New Title: Hello Shi**y. Wow, I really forgot how god-awful that movie was. Screen Junkies currently have over 6-million subscribers on YouTube and release a new Honest Trailer every Tuesday. Wonder Woman arrives in theaters this Friday, June 2nd to hopefully erase any stain Catwoman left behind.
Honest Trailer – Catwoman
Before you see Wonder Woman, revisit the movie that set the bar for women-lead-superhero movies ridiculously, ridiculously low – CATWOMAN!
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