We all have our dream movies. We read a book, play a videogame, or watch an old movie thinking to ourselves “I want to see this on the big screen, and THIS guy would be the right guy to do it!”
I have my dream movies as well. Six of them, as a matter of fact. I just thought I’d share them with you, and maybe you’d kill to see these on the big screen almost as much as I would”¦
Michael Bay directing
METAL GEAR SOLID
It has been confirmed that Michael Bay, in his next bit of Spielberg impression, is set to direct the big-screen version of the videogame Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time … And did anyone else get ill just reading that sentence. How can I put any finer an exclamation point on it, other than to say “No?”
The fact that I haven’t liked a single Bay film doesn’t mean I think he’s a bad director. No, I think of him more as a top-of-the-line pistol that hasn’t been fired at anything worthwhile. How about instead of directing a film based on a videogame that had the strong suits of subtlety, magic, and clear storytelling, how about one more suited to Bay’s strengths?
Enter Hideo Kojima‘s brilliant-but-flawed Metal Gear Solid. The game that refined the stealth genre into what you see today in games. Hopefully, Bay can fix some of Kojima’s shortcomings (forty minutes of scenes where nothing happens and convolution for the sake of convolution) and vice versa (anything resembling a “plot” in a Michael Bay movie). It’s like they were made for each other.
Rob Zombie directing
THE KILLER INSIDE ME
In high school, I read Jim Thompson‘s brilliant novel The Killer Inside Me, about a small town sheriff in Texas, who gets his jollies by, well, killing people. I was amazed by how author Thompson managed to write a king-hell crazy book without romanticizing the character of Sheriff Lou Ford one iota.
Now if one were to make a movie, this aspect of the book would not play to a lot of folks. Some would regard this as nothing more than a sleazy, violent sideshow. But if you absolutely HAD to make a movie off of it”¦ Why not go all out?
Thank God for Rob Zombie, who can make artful sleaze. His fevered imagination and cinematic pyrotechnics could make The Killer Inside Me fresh and exciting. His common sense and grasp of film could make it a forced to be reckoned with.
Brian DePalma directing
BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS
After watching his adaptation of James Ellroy‘s novel The Black Dahlia, I was concerned that Brian DePalma may mellow with age, even though I was one of the four or five people who liked the picture. It was DePalma in his oft debated “restraint.” There is nothing more depressing than to see a great lion like himself drop into the filmmaking equivalent of “domestic tranquility.”
Well, BALLS TO THAT, man! DePalma needs to get himself ass-deep in king-hell crazy again. And I can think of no better potential project to do that with than a remake of the Russ Meyer-directed, Roger Ebert-scripted Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls. It’ll be like a schizophrenic getting his own meth lab. I’m telling you, it’ll be NUTS!
Drugs and trannies and acid rock”¦ Oh my”¦
Wes Anderson directing
A CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES
Is it just me, or is Wes Anderson just Ernst Lubitsch, only with more visual trademarks? He doesn’t flatter his characters, for he sees their flaws with a magnifying glass, but he DOES love them, and hopes for the best as they coast upon capricious fate. And does anyone need more love than Ignatius J. Reilly of John Kennedy Toole‘s novel A Confederacy of Dunces?
Granted, Reilly may be more boisterous and uncontainable than any of Anderson’s prior ennui-nauts, but there is a flaw inherent. NO ONE is a good match for Reilly. He is unquantifiable. So why not give the book to Anderson, who will sit back and watch the fireworks like he usually does? He has a thing for distance, flattening the events so they seem more funny when you watch them.
The last time I checked, A Confederacy of Dunces was in the works by David Gordon Green (George Washington, Undertow). But I’m still pulling for Anderson because he doesn’t have a hateful bone in his body.
Brad Bird directing
PSYCHONAUTS
No videogame has more defenders with fewer copies sold than Tim Schafer‘s Psychonauts. It’s the story of a young boy named Razputin sent to a summer camp for psychic youths only to find that not all was what it seems. The game was hailed for its wonderful story, engaging dialogue, and endearing, laugh-out-loud characters.
Oddly enough, so have the films of Brad Bird, like The Incredibles and Ratatouille.
If there has ever been a property more tailor-made for a director, I haven’t seen it. Get Pixar on it and watch the money pour in, as well as the sequel to the game that fans (like me) want. I mean seriously the guy behind The Iron Giant collaborating with the guy behind Grim Fandango and Day of the Tentacle? HOW DOES THAT NOT BLOW YOUR LOAD?!
Joss Whedon directing
RUNAWAYS
Well, he’s writing the comic book right now. Do I REALLY need to go further with this one?
Great post. But I think Metal Gear Solid needs to be directed by some one more competent at character studies, because Snake needs that.
Comment by Dishliquid — August 7, 2007 @ 11:17 am
Brad Bird directing Psychonauts is a brilliant idea. Psychonauts is one of my favorite games of all time, and Bird has just the right sensibility to nail the tone, humor, and humanity of Tim Schafer’s characters.
But I have to differ on Bay directing MGS. Kojima’s stories are ridiculously–and annoyingly–convoluted, which is exactly what disqualifies Bay. He would reduce MGS to it’s action, completely missing the point of the characters and plot twists. He might make a movie that appeals to non-gaming action film fans, but he would completely alienate MGS’s fans. His movie might make money, but it would a flashpoint of gamer venom and derision for years to come.
Comment by Slayve — August 7, 2007 @ 11:37 am
Oh, and I would even watch Joss Whedon’s The Yellow Pages Movie, but Runaways would fit especially nicely in his oeuvre.
Comment by Slayve — August 7, 2007 @ 11:41 am
Peter Jackson – The Hobbit/[Silmarillion(…maybe)]
Comment by Ken — August 7, 2007 @ 10:42 pm
I totally agree with Ken…Peter Jackson – The Hobbit….it’d be a good movie
Comment by Adam — August 7, 2007 @ 10:52 pm
Yes, to Peter Jackson doing The Hobbit, but somehow I don’t thinkd he’s up to the tragic stoicism most of the Silmarillion. Perhaps Alfonso Cuaron, rather.
Comment by Chris — August 7, 2007 @ 10:59 pm
Metal Gear Solid and Psychonauts?
Oh, yeah, just what we need: *more* movies based on video games. Because movies like Doom, Silent Hill, Super Mario Bros., Mortal Kombat, Alone In The Dark, Wing Commander, etc. are proof positive that adapting video games into movies makes for top-notch entertainment.
No thank you.
Comment by Bryan H. Bell — August 7, 2007 @ 11:02 pm
Chris Cunningham – Neuromancer
Comment by Cody — August 7, 2007 @ 11:04 pm
Michael Bay directing METAL GEAR SOLID! have you lost you mind Michael Bay is the worst director in the world, the film should be made by a Japanese director like Ryuhei Kitamura and if Josh Holloway dose not get to play Snake then this movie will suck! Michael Bay phh! you should be ashamed of your self.
Comment by noah — August 7, 2007 @ 11:10 pm
Clint Eastwood – The Dark Tower Vol. 1 – The Gunslinger (novel by Stephen King)
Robert Rodriguez – The Man Who Never Missed (novel by Steve Perry)
Pixar – Fuzzy Sapiens (novel by H. Beam Piper)
Comment by Jordan Lund — August 7, 2007 @ 11:19 pm
On Confederacy of Dunces, not Wes Anderson – The Coen Brothers!
Comment by Jason — August 7, 2007 @ 11:20 pm
Michael Bay doing MGS?….. ugh.
This man is a shameless director who should be banned from hollywood, and possibly north america. Your other choices aren’t bad but you might want to rethink that one.
Comment by Gregg — August 7, 2007 @ 11:22 pm
what about ender’s game?
Comment by dwood — August 7, 2007 @ 11:39 pm
I think MGS is going to be a great movie to make. I don’t know either about Michael bay making it I would suggest Spielberg. But none of the less to play as solid Hugh Jackman as Snake they look just alike
Comment by Miguel — August 7, 2007 @ 11:42 pm
Michael Bay?! Get the fuck out.
And what about Catcher in the Rye?
Comment by Chris — August 7, 2007 @ 11:43 pm
Very interesting post! Although it already has a rather interesting director attached to it, I always thought James Cameron directing Halo would be fantastic. But I can’t think of anything more exciting than Ridley Scott directing a Metroid movie. Imagine the mood and tension he brought to Alien, combined with the visual mastery of everything from Blade Runner to Gladiator. If done right, it would be killer.
Comment by Richard — August 7, 2007 @ 11:51 pm
Salinger has said never, iirc
Comment by Brian — August 7, 2007 @ 11:55 pm
Sink the Bismark directed by Brian Singer.
the original is pretty good but the effects look pretty dated. just imagine what a WW2 naval conflict would look like when you have the freedom of computer graphics. Historically the hunt for the bismark is a very compeling story. But it would need a director like singer who knows how to tackle epic tales and visuals without loosing his characters.
Comment by adam — August 7, 2007 @ 11:59 pm
I’d love to see a movie of A Confederacy of Dunces — my favorite comedic novel of all time — but I worry that no director could do it full justice.
I used to envision Michael McShane as Ignatius, but I’m afraid he might be a bit old for the part now. He could certainly have pulled off the indignation, though.
Comment by greyspace — August 8, 2007 @ 12:01 am
Michael Bay’s Metal Gear Solid = FAIL. It’s convoluted yes, not senseless. If Michael Bay were to make Metal Gear Solid it would have been similar to that Gamecube attrocity, The Twin Snakes. Incredibly drawn out action sequences? I’ll stick with the incredibly drawn out conversations via Codec, thank you; at least they add some substance. The other picks aren’t too bad.
Comment by ss — August 8, 2007 @ 12:02 am
Tim Burton directing The Neverhood. Wow.
Comment by sky — August 8, 2007 @ 12:05 am
Brian de Palma doing a remake of Bambi.
Ridley Scott doing a remake of Old Yeller.
Ang Lee doing the short-lived comic Inferior Five.
Comment by Hank Fox — August 8, 2007 @ 12:08 am
michael bay – catcher in the rye
/ROFLs
Comment by gerbal — August 8, 2007 @ 12:15 am
how about george lucas presents DBZ
Comment by rich — August 8, 2007 @ 12:31 am
Having Michael Bay direct a film about Metal Gear Solid Movie would be like Michael Bay directing a movie about Pearl Harbor. Cause you know that just has great idea written all over it.
Hell while were a it lets have a movie about Cat Woman, or another Super Man movie, call it Super Man 3, and it would star Richard Pryer.
Oh wait, that already happened, and all those films were terrible?
Then why would you suggest ruining a 20 year old franchise with such nonsense.
For shame on you sir, for shame.
Comment by mike — August 8, 2007 @ 12:32 am
Instead of Tim Burton directing The Neverhood, how about Psychonauts?
Comment by mike — August 8, 2007 @ 12:38 am
Just let Uwe Boll direct Metal Gear Solid. That should effectively kill any chance of any video game being made into a movie ever again. But give Peter Jackson a crack at The Legend of Zelda first.
Comment by Richard — August 8, 2007 @ 12:40 am
Master and Margarita by Terry Gilliam
Comment by jobuca — August 8, 2007 @ 12:56 am
I’d like to have my OWN movie made, from my original script!
It was featured on Slice of Scifi
http://www.sliceofscifi.com/2007/04/26/space-shifter-casey/
Comment by Allan Drake — August 8, 2007 @ 1:24 am
hah, it’s obvious when an article here pops up on digg.
2 comments, 1 comment, 30 comments
I’d like to see the guy who did bully and kids take a swing at catcher in the rye.
Comment by mo — August 8, 2007 @ 1:55 am
you don’t NEED to go further on Joss Whedon directing Runaways…but it sure would’ve been fun to read. :p
Comment by Jordan T. — August 8, 2007 @ 3:47 am
“”Cody Says:
Chris Cunningham – Neuromancer””
That’s what i was gonna say. He needs to get on this shit because I think other people are working on it as well and may beat him to the punch. Gibson has even read all the scripts for the potential film versions and said Cunningham is the only one who could pull it off well.
Comment by Adam — August 8, 2007 @ 3:52 am
The System Shock franchise would be a great thing to move to film. Hmm…. difficult to choose a director….
Comment by Garth — August 8, 2007 @ 5:22 am
What about remakes of “Clockwork Orange” and “Dr Strangelove”
– updated to a new current time ?
Comment by b Kurlek — August 8, 2007 @ 6:46 am
My uncle wrote a book called “Manhattan Transfer.” I think Stephen Spielberg should be the one to do it.
P.S. My uncles name is John Stith.
Comment by Ryan — August 8, 2007 @ 8:17 am
David Fincher – Cat’s Cradle
I agree that someone needs to convince Salinger to do Catcher in the Rye or even some of the shorts in 9 Stories.
Someone should make Vonnegut’s Player Piano as well.
I’d like to see an updated The Bell Jar.
Comment by Venomin James — August 8, 2007 @ 10:14 am
Joss Whedon’s “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”. He already loves writing for British characters and teens with superpowers… it’s a match made in heaven.
Comment by HaloZero — August 8, 2007 @ 11:51 am
Quentin Tarantino – Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash
Comment by t_swift — August 8, 2007 @ 12:54 pm
A fair amount of books turn into movies. Studios love franchises where a story is spread over multiple movies. Someone should be able to write an acceptable script that results in some high caliber Pern movies. There is already a huge audience out there that would check them out too.
Comment by it is me — August 8, 2007 @ 6:25 pm
Fantasy and fiction don’t interest me very much–especially when amazing stories about real events and people are so much more compelling. We also realize what the screen writing–“Hollywood”–process does to truth and veracity, especially it seems, to films “based on a true story.” That being said, I’d still love to see Clint Eastwood have a go at telling the story of the real heroes of the 18th Fighter-Bomber Wing during their 37 months of aerial combat during the Korean War–the so-called “Forgotten War.” The “Truckbusters From Dogpatch,” as they were known, flew more combat missions during that war–most of them in the venerable (also vulnerable) F-51 Mustang–than any other Wing…and most of their missions were in support of ground troops. Without their contributions, so many more UN/American infantry would have been lost.
Sorry, I can’t get all worked up over comic book hero movies and the like. Give me the real thing, any time.
Comment by T. D. Connors — August 8, 2007 @ 6:25 pm
I agree with the Wes Anderson and Confederacy movie should be made!!!
What about THE LEGEND OF ZELDA by Peter Jackson?
Comment by Richard Belize — August 8, 2007 @ 7:56 pm
You forgot “DragonBall Z” live-action movie.
Comment by JAPPO — August 9, 2007 @ 1:34 am
Runaways is one of the best comic booke series of the last ten years, this will kick ass
Comment by Jay Amabile — August 9, 2007 @ 7:09 am
No!!!! Leave Beyond the Valley of the Dolls alone! It’s perfect as it is
Comment by jsrothwell — August 9, 2007 @ 4:16 pm
@Jappo
there has already been a live action DBZ movie, and it aweful, they werent even allowed to use the characters real names, yet the movie was still titled dragon ball.
As far as movies i would like to see made, a Zelda movie, if done correctly could be awesome, but my faith in hollywood is so poor at doing a proper rendtion instead of their own “hollywood” rendition.
another thing i’d like to see is a forgotton realms, possibly the story of one drizzt do’urden. or possibly some of the MTG books, as those trilogy books have pretty good stories.
Comment by Wanderer — August 9, 2007 @ 5:20 pm
How about Star Wars VII-IX : The Thrawn Trilogy (by Timothy Zahn) Directed by Spielberg. If done right (ie: not like episodes I-III) These amazing stories could be better than the originals.
Comment by Pulch — August 10, 2007 @ 5:26 am
The Goon should be an animated series on adult swim.
Comment by Dave — August 12, 2007 @ 11:27 pm
jobuca Says:
Master and Margarita by Terry Gilliam
—
I think I just came in my pants. God, that would be amazing.
Oh, and on the subject of video game adaptations, let’s not forget Raul Julia’s swan song, Street Fighter.
Comment by Michael — August 15, 2007 @ 4:28 am
t_swift Says:
Quentin Tarantino – Neal Stephenson’s Snow Crash
—
Nonsense. I adore Tarantino but this is simply not his kind of film. If Ridley Scott could get back into his Blade Runner form, that would be wonderful. Guillermo del Toro, Michael Winterbottom or the aforementioned Terry Gilliam might also have interesting takes.
Comment by Michael — August 15, 2007 @ 4:37 am
What about Praying Mantis from hell ?
Comment by Mantis — August 25, 2007 @ 8:37 am
How about a horror movie involving Autopac amd the Manitoba Public Insurance Corporation ?
Comment by Toyota — August 25, 2007 @ 11:45 am
Would love to see the Catcher.
Although it’s been done, I’d love to see an updated “Most Dangerous Game” with Peter Jackson.
And how about Peter Weir taking up Michael Dolan’s WALDEN?
Comment by Joyce — September 19, 2007 @ 4:42 pm
faerie wars -tim burton
[really good book, but the movie would probably be rated R]
Comment by Libby — April 9, 2009 @ 9:41 pm
Darkwing Duck!
Comment by Laura — May 3, 2010 @ 4:00 am
James cameron should direct the legend of drizzt
Comment by James — June 10, 2010 @ 11:44 pm
Peter Jackson should direct Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. This would be far too good!
Comment by John — March 20, 2011 @ 4:06 pm
Peter jackson should direct a DBZ trilogy.
He’s a great story teller and is familiar with special effects.Put those two together great combination!
Comment by InsaneRequest — November 24, 2016 @ 9:03 am