Geeks of Doom’s raucous reviewer with the rictus smile, Dr. Royce Clemens, continues his parsing of the first half of the 2007 movie season, bringing us fair warnings of what to avoid and why.
Worst Direction: Eli Roth — HOSTEL PART II
Remember that one SNL sketch where Justin Timberlake was playing Ashton Kutcher on an episode of PUNK’D? And then they punked one of the cast members done up like Fred Durst? He’s coming out the back door of a club and these two big dudes make like they’re gonna beat the crap out of him and Durst just breaks down crying and whimpering”¦
“Please don’t hurt me! I’ll”¦ I’ll touch your wiener if you just let me go!”
And then Timberlake/Kutcher came out and said “WOW! You said you were gonna touch his WIENER! He didn’t even ASK you to do it, you just OFFERED!”
That’s what Eli Roth‘s work on Hostel Part II means to me. “Sure my movie looks misogynist, but THE LADIES ARE THE HEROES THIS TIME! And I know it looks senseless and stupid violent with no redeeming qualities, but I have ONE LINE in the movie that provides political subtext! ONE LINE! DEAR GOD, DID YOU NOT HEAR THE ONE LINE!? LOVE MEEEEEEEEEE!” He spends the entire movie presenting us with horrible, goofy shit and then backpedals to look smart, expecting us to give him a cookie.
Every neighborhood has a poseur punk like Eli Roth, where he threatens to kick your ass and the time you call him on it, he runs and hides behind his Uncle Quentin. All the swagger of a man without the balls to back it up.
Worst Male Performance: Eddie Murphy — NORBIT
Norbit is less a movie, and more a gaping psychological wound for anyone dumb enough to pay for it. Kurt Vonnegut had Dresden, so it is only fair that film critics have Norbit. Through this film, I have found that Hell is not hot and fiery, but humid and damp and smells like dirty secrets should smell.
And we have Eddie Murphy to thank, whose ego is so out of control and his glory days so far behind him that he feels the need to clone himself every few years to escape nay-saying voices. The voices that say “That’s not really funny. Actually, that’s retarded and kind of obscene.” Murphy has had the death of his career tolled so many times that he must surround himself with people who think he can do no wrong”¦ namely himself.
I know I’ve said it before elsewhere, but: If Murphy opts to take up half the cast of another movie all on his lonesome, I hope to God it’s porno. So he can do what we all hope he does”¦
And he can go FUCK himself!
Worst Female Performance: Heather Matarazzo — HOSTEL PART II
“Would you like a SMINT? I have to keep talking like an APPLEBEE’S waitress or else the BLOOD will stop flowing to my brain and I’ll die a SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH! Have you tried our Blazing Southwest Tomato Cilantro Wasabi Ranch JALAPENO POPPERS?”
Worst Dialogue Exchange: Hugh Dancy and Bryan Dick — BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE
“Okay. I’m serious. I’ll get on the train.”
“I AM the train!”
There is a five-minute stretch in Blood and Chocolate that could stand as comedy funnier that Borat in and of itself. It starts when Werewolf Rafe (Dick) is staring down Aidan (Dancy) in a Church, trying to get him to stay away from his equally Werewolfy cousin Vivien (Agnes Bruckner). The best he can muster by way of a veiled threat is: “You wouldn’t want to get buried in here”¦ As a ceiling fan, or something”¦”
Then it hits. In the prelude to their big fight, Aidan sells out his girl and Rafe comes back with the single most absurd line ever delivered in a movie I’ve seen in the past five years. You guys do know this is a horror movie, right?
Truth be told, this one exchange is the one ray of sunlight in an entire movie that plays like Silver Bullet meets My Little Pony.
Dude”¦ What the FUCK?
Biggest Disappointment: GRINDHOUSE
Is Grindhouse bad? No. But it is wildly varying. For the fifteen minutes prior to showtime, I was pacing around the theater lobby in excitement, something I haven’t done in quite a few years.
Three hours and twenty minutes later, I was left with a momentary thrill and a sore ass.
I think Death Proof is actually a classic, which truly GETS why Grindhouse movies kicked so much ass back in the sixties and seventies. They were swift, efficient entertainments made by folks who had a commitment to the job they were doing and BELIEVED in their hearts of hearts in what they were doing. The problem was, I had to wait through one middle of the road zombie movie and four hit-or-miss trailers to get there.
I was not the biggest fan of Planet Terror, Robert Rodriguez‘ ode to the zombie flick”¦ Actually, Planet Terror was less a love letter to John Carpenter and George Romero and more a love letter to shitty projection. Because that’s what he paid more attention to than his film. Granted, Tarantino had the “REEL MISSING” card and the pops and scratches too, but as the movie went on and the emotional investments started paying off he dropped it. Rodriguez made a condescending movie that got why Grindhouse movies were cheesy, but not why they were fun.
And what I had hoped would be three hours of laughs and thrills turned out to be a gimmicky vanity project with a few REALLY bright spots by two renowned directors who need a babysitter.
Worst Film EVERYONE liked but me: 300
1. Someone gets speared.
2. Someone gets beheaded.
3. Someone falls off a cliff.
4. Someone gets shot with an arrow.
Just these four shots were played at various speeds throughout the entire middle of 300, so much so that I felt like I was being beaten about the head and shoulders with a tack hammer by LeBron James. Apparently I was the only one who noticed that JUST FOUR SHOTS doesn’t make a movie, because I had to sit through Internet yahoos typing out “THIS! IS! SPARTA!” for a month and a half because they were in shallow, geeky ecstasy.
“STOP THAT! It makes you look like a fucking nimrod!
How one-trick IS your movie when the South Park parody is better than the actual film?
“VIVA LA GARRISON!”
The Harry H. Frazee Award for Biggest Fuck-Up of a Sure Thing: THE EMOING OF SPIDER-MAN
“I’m a director and huge comic book fan, given the biggest approved budget in Hollywood history for my second sequel to SPIDER-MAN. What will bring people into the theatre and send them out on a high note, in no way insulting people who stuck with me and the character for years?
“We do him up like Jared Leto and we MAKE HIM DANCE!”
Sure we can complain about the length of Spider-Man 3, the harassment by a love story we don’t care about anymore, and the mistreatment of Venom, but that one sequence hefted an entire franchise up in the air and threw it over the shark.
Worst Film: HOSTEL PART II
I’ve gone on at length about why I hate Hostel Part II, but I will say this”¦
That come December, when sin and virtue of an entire year are scored, I will NOT be calling Hostel Part II the worst film of 2007
I refuse to give it the satisfaction. It’ll just have to settle for acing the mid-term.
So in essence it boils down to how you would say “This is so bad, I’d wipe my ass with it.”
Yeah, well I WOULDN’T wipe my ass with Hostel Part II. It isn’t good enough for that privilege.
And no more shall be spoken of this film.
Wow, you have the most HORRIBLE taste in movies.
300 is by far one of the best movies of 2007 (Although I did like Hot Fuzz a bit better) and you label it as the worst?!?
Pathetic.
Comment by That guy — June 23, 2007 @ 12:52 am
This has just clarified the very films I REALLY don’t EVER need to watch, buy or rent.
Hostel II has been bandied about along with the term ‘torture porn’ a term even used on UK Morning TV. Makes me want to see it(!?)
Hostel II joins a long long list of ‘torture porn’ that has been out and continues t spew forth. Has Hollywood really begun to think the audiences are that pig-shit-thick that we will only watch THIS drivel now?
Comment by Manic_Rage — June 23, 2007 @ 4:37 am
I agree with the comments made in reference to these fashionable/contemporary horror films as I see them, there just isn’t any originality emerging from Hollywood at present from the Horror genre. If you look back to films such as The Exorcist and Halloween, there was a clear and structured narrative, an antagonist, a protagonist etc, etc.
In relation to Spiderman 3 I felt that Venom as a character was somewhat underused and neglected from the Spiderman mythology, how can you NOT use Venom in a great capacity? He IS Spidey’s ultimate nemesis…Criminal.
Comment by Dizzy_Alien — June 23, 2007 @ 9:56 am
I think Hostel 2 was bad when I first watched it but over time I actually find it better…I think its one of those films the more you watch it the more you appreciate it.
As for 300 I heard amazing things and yeah granted the effects and the actual way it was made it was good…but didn’t feel as overwhelmed as I hoped…
Comment by Damien — June 23, 2007 @ 10:32 am
I love this post.
Bring it on!!!!
Comment by Jerry — June 23, 2007 @ 10:33 am
Where is Pirates 3? That movie was terrible.
Comment by domer — June 23, 2007 @ 8:10 pm
this is a solid list. 300 was god awful
Comment by matthew — June 23, 2007 @ 8:10 pm
300 was a great popcorn movie. That is to say you could just go in buy your popcorn and shut off your brain for 2 hours of enjoyment, but that doesn’t make a good movie. So I’m gonna have to agree that it belongs on the ‘bad list’. Didn’t bother to watch Hostel 2, or the first one for that matter. The current hollywood trend in horror is to just add as much bore…err gore as possible and hope it scares you. Just doesn’t cut it for me. Spiderman 3 was ok until he got the black suit then it just got really cheesy, didn’t like the handling of Sandman but the effect was really cool. And as to Venom, I always felt he was overrated. Grindhouse was very ‘meh’, I’m glad I saw it, but really doubt I’ll ever watch it again.
Comment by Atari — June 23, 2007 @ 8:16 pm
yeah, 300 is one of the best movies of the year, unique. spiderman 3 would have been a sick second sequel if spiderman wasn’t emo, i agree on that. but there are sooooo many worse movies out so far this year than whats listed.
last year alone i seen 220movies. so far this year, prolly about 50. so yea, im a pro movie reviewer ;)
Comment by TripKore — June 23, 2007 @ 8:19 pm
You guys knew it was coming. You knew some retard would come along and utter those magical catch phrases, those magical lines of pure orgasm. Dear sirs, I am that retard.
THIS IS SPARTA!
GIVE THEM NOTHING AND TAKE FROM THEM…EVERYTHING!
TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!
Then we will fight in the shade (uttered by the Legolas of 300)
Thank you for your time.
Oh, and fantastic 4 was pretty craptastic. Even if you knew absolutely nothing about the fantastic 4, the silver surfer or galactus, you’d still be pretty pissed after watching it.
*Spoiler*
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When the surfer loses his powers, he becomes brown. He looks exactly the same, except he’s brown.
–
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What.
The.
Fuck.
Comment by Jesus Christ — June 23, 2007 @ 8:21 pm
The 300 is the best movie THIS decade and has become the #1 on many “real guys top 10 lists”.
Your use of four letter words is telling of the intelligence here.
Comment by Rus — June 23, 2007 @ 8:23 pm
Finally, someone else that didn’t like 300. I loved the comic book and the trailer looked awesome, but I was extremely disappointed.
Comment by Davis Z. — June 23, 2007 @ 8:25 pm
I completely agree with you on 300. It was so horrid, it made me fall asleep!!
Comment by DJ SlipStream — June 23, 2007 @ 8:25 pm
…i didnt watch 300…because the only reason i heard to watch it was a 8.5 minute scene with a naked oracle…yeah. sounds wonderful to me too.
Comment by Tristan — June 23, 2007 @ 8:26 pm
I love this post too. Finally, someone else who thought 300 was bad.
Comment by Jess — June 23, 2007 @ 8:28 pm
!! DJ SlipStream. I fell asleep too. :)
I left it early. I found sitting in a car waiting for my friends to get out of the movie more enjoyable than watching it.
Comment by Jess — June 23, 2007 @ 8:30 pm
What did you expect from 300? No really what did you expect? Did you expect some kind of deep political meaning? Did you expect aliens to come down and give Sparta the technology to defeat the evil empire? I noticed quite a few other scene’s in there, perhaps you slept through the whole thing because you were up too late watching Citizen Kane for the 147th time that week. 300 was exactly what it was meant to be. I do however agree with your assessment of Spider-Man.
Comment by Imaginary — June 23, 2007 @ 8:38 pm
THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!
Comment by Amenbea — June 23, 2007 @ 8:43 pm
THIS IS THE WORST LIST EVER. AND THERE ARE SOME BAD LISTS ONLINE. IT’S JUST BAD, BAD, BAD. DR. ROYCE CLEMENS IS A MORON. AND HE’S NOT SMART. THIS LIST IS ALMOST AS BAD AS THE UPDATED AFI 100 LIST. I’M DONE WITH LISTS.
Comment by I — June 23, 2007 @ 8:43 pm
I think it’s reasonable to debate if 300 was good or not, but why would anybody think hostel part 2 would be good?
Comment by Jon — June 23, 2007 @ 8:48 pm
You guys really have a poor taste in movies. Sure 300 didn’t have an incredibly compelling story and it was mostly gratuitous violence, but that was not why it was so good. How many other films this year were as amazingly done as 300? it along with sin city is one of the most amazing films i have ever seen and completely captures the feeling of frank millers comic books.
Not to mention that it was based on real events, that actually took place. Did you know the lines “return with your shield or on it” and “then we will fight in the shade” were actually said IN REAL LIVE.
Its not just a tale of real sacrifice, and arrogance in the face of impossible odds. ITS A REAL TALE. which just makes it that much better to watch.
Of course if you don’t know much about history im sure it probably stinks.
Enjoy watching the fantastic 4:rise of the silver surfer… which doesn’t suck according to you…
Comment by Galahad — June 23, 2007 @ 8:53 pm
HOSTEL WAS AT THE VERY LEAST ENJOYABLE. SPIDERMAN MAY NOT BE AS GOOD AS THE FIRST TWO BUT IT WAS COMPLETELY WATCHABLE. 300 ACHIEVED EXACTLY WHAT IT SET OUT TO ACCOMPLISH, LIKE OR NOT. AND EXCEPT FOR THE FIRST HOUR OF DEATH PROOF, GRINDHOUSE WAS WITHOUT A DOUBT A GOOD TIME. NONE OF THESE MOVIES ARE TRYING TO WIN OSCARS, NOR A GOLDEN GLOBE, OR EVEN A TO GET ON DR. ROYCE CLEMENS BEST MOVIES LIST. IF I HAD MADE A MOVIE THIS YEAR, I COULD ONLY HAVE DREAMED IT MADE THIS STUPID LIST.
ALRIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH, I’M GOING TO WATCH MORE TORTURE PORN.
Comment by I — June 23, 2007 @ 8:54 pm
He’s right. The only one of these movies I halfway enjoyed was 300, but I’m not dying to see it again– way too monotonous. At least Sin City had some catchy camp dialogue and a variety to the action.
Comment by Wunderkind — June 23, 2007 @ 8:55 pm
@ Galahad: 300 true to history? ROFLMAO Then you must know that the Spartans were even bigger “boy lovers” than the Athenians. It was a pretty comic-book movie, leave it at that before you humiliate yourself further.
Comment by Wunderkind — June 23, 2007 @ 9:01 pm
@I
You are obviously not done with lists.
Don’t sweat it, it’s all just opinions. The makers of 300 made tons of money and people will continue to like/dislike that movie no matter what someone’s personal list contains. And don’t be surprised if some of these movies ARE trying to win Oscars (perhaps not “Best Picture” but there are plenty of technical awards these would be eligible for).
I liked 300 a lot. I’d rather read the book, but I really enjoyed watching the film, too. I liked Grindhouse too, though PT better than DP. Hostel 2 can go f**k itself, it’s garbage. And I can tolerate Emo dancing spider-man more than the Stay Puffed Sandman in SM3.
@Galahad
300 is based on a true story. Frank Miller admits to changing some of the details in order to better tell the story. So, it’s NOT all fact.
Comment by Empress Eve — June 23, 2007 @ 9:08 pm
There is nothing worse than a bad movie… especially when you paid to see it. Unfortunately, everyone has their own opinion on what makes a good or bad movie… so you can’t always go by what the popular opinion is…but if you can find a movie reviewer that continually agrees with what you like, then you may be able to trust that movie reviewer for the most part.
Comment by Matt S. — June 23, 2007 @ 9:28 pm
ok first of all get off your fucking horse bro.
300 was a great movie it showed new great talent and for a short short budget it kicked ass shut up.
spider man 3 was good but i agree venom was WAY underused. and get off the emo kick you people have morphed emo into something its not. just because peter parker has parts his hair to the side DOES NOT make him “emo” we all have shit we go through seriously
and dude we get it that you don’t like hostel part 2 we all know that no one does. its a cheap excuse for 14 year old kids to spank it for half of the movie. and we except that
maybe you next time you should get a better taste of movies for the message they are sending not on their budget or “emo” cliche’s
peace
– the pheonix
Comment by the pheonix — June 23, 2007 @ 9:31 pm
Norbit was hilarious
Comment by Matt — June 23, 2007 @ 9:31 pm
grindhouse rocks…
Comment by Rick Rock — June 23, 2007 @ 9:31 pm
Seriously??? I actually saw Hot Fuzz, then 300 on da same night. Hot Fuzz was a poor (at best) follow up to Shaun of the Dead, and 300 had to be one of (if not the) best movies of the year. Perhaps Hot Fuzz being so bad made 300 seem better
As for Spidey 3, what a great way to f*ck up a decent (not great) franchise
@ domer
totally agree about pirates 3. tho i did find it bearable until the last 30 mins or so. and i did spend da first 30 mins trying to figure out what da hell was going on as well tho. so…
didn’t see the others, but if Royce Clemens says they’re bad, i’d better watch them myself
Comment by some guy called dave — June 23, 2007 @ 9:43 pm
I’m not the biggest fan of Norbit, but Eddie Murphy is a legend. How bout you shut the fuck up because clearly you don’t know shit. * *
Comment by OnE CenT X — June 23, 2007 @ 9:47 pm
THIS IS MADNESS!!!
Comment by Mike — June 23, 2007 @ 10:25 pm
300 was bomb
Comment by Hugh G. Rection — June 23, 2007 @ 10:35 pm
By far i agreed, besides the Hostel 2 deal (though only 1 other friend I have liked it)
This whole year early fall to early summer has been filled with bunk crap (nix oceans 13, i never saw any) We have 3 hopes… SIMPSONS! HARRY POTTER and TRANSFORMERS
What a crazy trio to reign over possible hits of the summer, im partial to potter, but i was disappointed by the last film compared to the book… so who knows….
Comment by Hippie — June 23, 2007 @ 11:23 pm
Why did you leave off Knocked Out. It made me look at a woman’s thingy while she was having a baby!!!! WORST MOVE OF ALL TIME!!!
Comment by David w — June 23, 2007 @ 11:31 pm
Knocked Up not Knocked Out
Comment by David w — June 23, 2007 @ 11:31 pm
Worst Direction: Hostel 2 – Really? The first Hostel was pretty scary. The 2nd wasn’t, and there really wasn’t much point to making it. But it was competently directed, and it wasn’t a cookie cutter Hollywood production; it pretty much just ripped off its predecessor. Maybe you just don’t like horror movies, or don’t understand what direction is.
Norbit – didn’t see it, don’t plan to.
Blood and Chocolate – didn’t see it, don’t plan to.
Biggest Disappointment: GRINDHOUSE – Actually I agree with you here.
Worst Film EVERYONE liked but me: 300 – Not everyone liked it. Leftists who can’t leave their political agendas at the door when seeing movies hated it. Islamic folks pretty much hated it. I hated it, but not because of the politics. It was a long, slow (most of it was in slow motion) hollow tech demo based on a really good graphic novel. Everything that’s wrong with movies today is best demonstrated by this “film”.
The Harry H. Frazee Award for Biggest Fuck-Up of a Sure Thing: THE EMOING OF SPIDER-MAN – Yah, pretty much agree here. Also, how many villains can you cram into one film. The franchise deserved better.
Worst Film: HOSTEL PART II – Really, the film just wasn’t that good or bad to deserve such a strong reaction. At least it didn’t overuse CGI like, say, 300.
Comment by Sexton — June 23, 2007 @ 11:32 pm
God, I so agree with you on 300. That movie was beyond a fuck up. All it had was a bunch of slow motion scenes with crappy battles. The guy getting beheaded was so childish. I can’t believe how stupid people are to like it.
Comment by Damien — June 23, 2007 @ 11:36 pm
You sum up 300 to 4 scenes… aww gee man. Sure it’s not an uber-complex story I’ll hand you that. But it is a masterpiece. It’s the geek movie, it’s the alpha-male movie, it’s the artist movie… it’s so many things.
and let’s not forget…
THIS IS SPARTA ;-)
Comment by DAVE — June 23, 2007 @ 11:51 pm
I dont see why so many people have a problem with someone saying 300 wasnt an amazing movie because it really wasn’t. Fun to watch yes good movie, no. Want to see a good movie go rent Children Of Men. Its got the killing and a good story. Norbit was stupid and Hostel 2 pretty much just sucked. Anyone who gets off on that kind of Torture crap is…really messed up. I didn’t hate spidey three that much but I will admit it wasn’t that good. But come on stop arguine about how 300 was such a great movie, its not. Its a good film to watch its fun and its got action but its not really a good movie. I liked the movie personally but it really was just the ultimate guy movie. Wasn’t really that original or anything just lots of senseless violence. Stop telling the poor man he doesn’t know anything this is his own bloody PERSONAL opinion. oh and tristan what is really wrong with an eight and a half minute long sequence with a naked red head? Really why would that stop you from seeing a movie?
Comment by Joe — June 24, 2007 @ 12:02 am
WOW!!! How could you not like 300? It was amazing. If you can’t appreciate this kind of film, I don’t think you belong in the movies. Seriously, you said spearings, beheadings, falling from cliffs, and crazy arrow fights…what do you thin this movie is missing. O, I almost cried during Norbit I was laughing so hard.
Comment by WOW — June 24, 2007 @ 12:34 am
Finally! I was getting so tired of all the people going wild over 300, Grind House and Hostel. These films sucked big time! I would to read your view of the Kill Bill films that everyone went so crazy about!
Comment by Hans — June 24, 2007 @ 1:09 am
Yep. 300 – crap.
Comment by Eugene — June 24, 2007 @ 1:50 am
Totally agree on the 300 movie, beats me what people see in this insane story, same goes for Spiderman 3, WTF is worng with those people who liked it…
Comment by Shabayek — June 24, 2007 @ 4:48 am
Well, I thought it was a pretty accurate list. Although, I have yet to see Hostel Part II – which sounds even worse than the first one.
Comment by Fable — June 24, 2007 @ 5:40 am
i have yet to see spidey 3, but i thought spidey to always have a rather large emo side. that’s just who he is…
Comment by swampman — June 24, 2007 @ 5:52 am
Spot on mateys. And thank you for calling it on 300. Its trash, absolutely smelly too. And this comes from a fanboy who adores comix-to-screen. But I’ve clearly grown up. Thank god for that. You ‘ve also left out POTC 3: At world’s End. Was that one messy screw-up or what?
Comment by P.O.D — June 24, 2007 @ 6:42 am
Your listing sux
Comment by My 2 cents — June 24, 2007 @ 7:10 am
This is madness!
Comment by Messenger — June 24, 2007 @ 10:40 am
Madness?
THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!!!!!
*boot*
Comment by Leonidas — June 24, 2007 @ 10:40 am
The guy above me is a poseur douche.
Comment by Somesuch — June 24, 2007 @ 11:19 am
Haha, I agree, 300 was waaaaaaaaaay overrated.
Comment by Jack — June 24, 2007 @ 11:30 am
“Not to mention that it was based on real events, that actually took place. Did you know the lines “return with your shield or on it†and “then we will fight in the shade†were actually said IN REAL LIVE.
Its not just a tale of real sacrifice, and arrogance in the face of impossible odds. ITS A REAL TALE. which just makes it that much better to watch.”
I studied both persian invasions of greece and the peloponnesian war period following. What they did was create a sensationlist mockery of one of the greatest period’s of human existance and charged you 10$. I can’t find the words the describe how wrong that is. Well i’ve already slit my wrists that many times over how much hollywood fails, so do me a favour and go shoot yourself.
Comment by nowstfu — June 24, 2007 @ 1:23 pm
Kill bill also hollywood bs = terrible parody of hk kungfu, ninja anime, while trying to be original = fail
Comment by nowstfu — June 24, 2007 @ 1:27 pm
THIS IS SPARTA !!!
Comment by yahoo — June 24, 2007 @ 2:42 pm
300 did suckd azz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Comment by POKEMAN RULEZ — June 24, 2007 @ 2:50 pm
THE THOUSAND NATIONS OF THE PERSIAN EMPIRE DESCEND UPON YOU. OUR ARROWS WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN…classic
Comment by James — June 24, 2007 @ 6:26 pm
300 was utter shit and people who repeat the catchphrases from it thinking it’s cool are colossal morons.
Comment by Ding — June 24, 2007 @ 6:55 pm
Wow, all the trolls still believe that CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. Seriously, 300 was shiny garbage. There was no substance, and all the historical accuracy of a Disney cartoon re-make of a classic story. Unless you are a raving fangirl who loves teh abz of st33l, just go home and cry yourselves to sleep. I especially love that “WORST LIST EVER” morons who think someone seriously gives a rat’s ass what they think. Just go write your own lists and get lambasted by other jerks, jerks.
I’m shocked that PotC and F4 didn’t make the list, among others. But I’m guessing they came out too late to be added here and will be on the year-end release of the list, along with all you morons again. It’ll be like a shit-fest of classic rants written by dumbasses.
Comment by idiots_will_be_idiots — June 24, 2007 @ 8:14 pm
Dude, you not only have no taste, but you’re one angry man.
Comment by YouSuck! — June 24, 2007 @ 8:52 pm
Ya your movie taste sucks…
Comment by bill — June 24, 2007 @ 10:54 pm
300 had amazing special effects and was a visual a piece of art, however, the plotline was simple, and while it may have worked in the comic book medium, wasn’t very Spart-eriffic in my opinion.
I haven’t seen Hostel I or II, but I’ll take your word for it. Everything I’ve read about this movie (here and elsewhere makes me not want to see it. Even the objective, unskewed reviews.
Comment by Brooke — June 25, 2007 @ 9:30 am
The only thing I agree with on this list is anything that has to do with Hostile 2. Ok, and i’ll never watch Norbit, or Grindhouse. I can understand those being on the list… but, you obviously have horrible taste in movies. Spidey 3 was good… the “dancing” was hilarious. Showed how absolutely cocky he was becoming… he was seeing himself as this human-savior, gift-to-mankind.. and women. And… come on. 300. How can I describe this? How about, “Bad. Fucking. Ass.”
Basically.. you should be fired from this site for insulting Sparta.
Comment by Frank — June 25, 2007 @ 10:22 am
This is silly. Hostel 2, Grindhouse, Spider-man 3 and 300 worst movies of the year? Dumb dumb dumb. Even if you didn’t like these fliks, which I understand, there was far worse fare. FAR. You just seem to have a personal grudge against these movies, no real complaint that couldn’t be applied to 99.9% of movies made ever.
The fact that you found Tarantino’s half of Grindhouse better speaks to how pretentious you really are. The other fliks didn’t try to do anything but entertain, and yet still had more intelligence behind them then five seconds of that self-indulgent crap called a movie. Watching cliche characters that all talk like the same person, namely the writer, is horrible filmmaking, writing, and entertainment.
Get over your ego and you might actually enjoy movies, instead of ridiculing them for the benefit of feeling superior. Your writing is far less clever than you seem to think, and I rank it as the worst article I’ve read this year. This isn’t because I think these movies are unable to be critiqued, sure they had problems. This is because your critiques were idiotic and showed less brain power than the movies you bash for the same thing. Sad. Really sad.
Comment by Mystic Knight — June 25, 2007 @ 10:51 am
how did Dead or Alive miss this list.. god aweful movie based on the fighting game… though there were hot chicks in it..
Comment by wanderer — June 25, 2007 @ 11:35 am
Wow, you put 300 on that list, but not Epic Movie?
Comment by blah — June 25, 2007 @ 1:13 pm
I gave up on movies after watching Fast Food Nation. I’m polluted for life.
Comment by pud — June 26, 2007 @ 12:19 am
I so totally agree about 300. It was horrible. I was so excited to see it, and then i did. i do believe my direct quote afterwards was
“If i ever see someone speared again, i will gouge my own eyes out”.
blech. Waste of Time.
Comment by steph — June 26, 2007 @ 1:09 pm
I don’t agree with a whole lot of your list (mostly because I haven’t seen Hostel 2–more on that in a moment), but I enjoyed reading it. 300 was all style, no substance. Simple as that. Once I got over that, I just sat back and enjoyed all the visuals. I thought it was a beautiul film, but certainly nothing I’d watch to get a great meaning from. That’s fine, because not every movie has to have a “great meaning;” sometimes they’re just lovely to look at.
I liked Grindhouse, apparently a lot more than you. But that’s cool. I can understand where you’re coming from. After watching it twice, I realize that Death Proof is probably the better of the two features, but I enjoyed Planet Terror more because I have a thing for John Carpenter. His movies, not him. He looks like David Lo Pan and Skeletor had a child. Anyways.
Now, Hostel 2. Yeah, not going to bother watching it, or the original. I liked Cabin Fever only after the second viewing when I got that it was all supposed to be ridiculous, but I don’t really get Eli Roth overall. I mean, is he really an asshole, or is he just putting on the act? He’s like Seth Green in that high school movie where he was acting all “playa/gangsta” but he was really just the world’s biggest pussy. What a turd.
And did anyone else notice the subtle irony of the tagline for Norbert on the movie poster? I think that’s going to be Eddie Murphy’s epitaph. It’d be funny if it weren’t sad.
Comment by The Anna — June 28, 2007 @ 3:26 pm
Norbit was one of the best movies so far this year. Norbit should not be up there. What about Reno 911 Miami! That movie was terrible!
Comment by CO — July 16, 2007 @ 7:05 pm
We love film. See alot.
This is “OUR” “WORST FILM’S OF 2007” list (SO Far)
1) Halloween (2007):
..HATED IT…It lacked originality. I didn’t need a back story of Michael Myers.
2) 1408.
…I checked out 15 minutes later.
3) Hostel 2
4) Underdog
5) Perfect Stanger:
..Weak and disappointing! Halle Berry still can’t carry a film, not even with Bruce Willis and Giovanni Ribisi thrown in. Great ending. Too bad, to many plot holes. Shhh..if u have seen “Perfect Stranger” ..Please don’t spoil the ending! Bad film, Z Grade acting. But great ending! THIS IS CONSIDERED: “A BAD “WE” LOVE”.!!
6) Disturbia :
…How director D.J. Caruso went from directing a great film from 2002 called: “The Salton Sea (2002)”, then to this low-brown, cheap teenagag Hitchcock rip-off crap is beyond me!?.
Comment by 2MovieGuys — September 1, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
ROB ZOMBIE’S
HALLOWEEN:
..HATED IT…It lacked originality. I didn’t need a back story of Michael Myers. His back-story has been kicked around by fans since before the dawn of the interenet or WWW . John Carpenter is the King of film horror, I can’t beleive that he would allow his classic to be missed with. In the “Original” Hallowen the Myeres were middle-class, not some Jerry Springer rip off. & it was never mentioned if MM had a sister etc untill “Halloween 2”. He was just “The Shape”. The killer who escaped on Halloween night, the same night he killed his own sister some 20 years eaierler. Who on that day saw a young girl who reminded him of his sister whom he had killed so many years ago, and it triggers something in him to go and kill this unknown girl for that purpose alone, & no matter who may be in his way. This “So-Called” New Vision was nothing but a rip-off on the orginial with no “real” horror scares. I was bored by the end. No edge of the seat terror. More blood and guts. No shadows, less light, & more use of the audience imagination! A real waste of $15.00 for 2 People! It missed the mark with horror originality, intenseness & Characterization. I was laughing by the end. When Lori was runnning from MM toward the of the film, it looked more like a something from “The Mummy” films of the 30’s! Razzie Nominee mention here: for “Worst Actress” Scout-Taylor Compton! Razzie Nominee “Worst Supporting-Actress”
Danielle Harris!
Comment by Harlan C .G. & C.M.G — September 1, 2007 @ 10:49 pm
THANKS FOR THE POSTS DICK HEADS !…
AS IF Y’ALL CAN ROLL THE CAMERA…PEOPLE SPEND MONEY TO MAKE MOVIES AND Y’ALL JUST SIT IN YOUR STINKY HOMES WITH YOUR STINKY HAIRS AND MOUTHS AND LONG SHORT AND NOT HARD ENOUGH DICKS AND TALK ABOUT WHAT A BAD MOVIES PEOPLE MAKE.
ONE MAN’S FOOD IS ANOTHER MAN’S POISON..YOU CAN’T MAKE YOUR CHOICE EVERYBODY’S CHOICE ANYWAYS.
Comment by SEXY_GAL — December 18, 2007 @ 7:54 am
Every category up there could have been won by the movie RedLine. That is clearly the worst movie of 2007.
Comment by Kelly Comas — December 23, 2007 @ 12:59 am
300 sucked!
Comment by caheey — January 2, 2008 @ 4:19 pm
I can agree with most of that. I never saw Hostel II (didn’t want to) but 300 had me, my sister, AND my hyperactive brother bored. Seriously, both of them left. I just slept in the theater.
Comment by Jamila — January 24, 2008 @ 9:13 pm
wow, i agree with only 2 things that that “genious” said. it was that hostel 2 sucked, along with spiderman 3. how can you say 300 sucked? how can i say sm3, and hostel sucked? i guess opinion is all that matters, but i dont look at a movie for “technicalities”. i like or dislike a movie for how much it glues me to my chair. i think that whoever watches for any other reason than to be entertained, is an imbicile. i still think the best movie of all time was Full Metal Jacket.
Comment by XFX — February 21, 2008 @ 11:37 pm