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Spoiler Talk: The Losers
Guy_Jen   |  

The LosersThe Losers is one of my favorite comics that showed me that not all comics have to be complicated and bogged down by continuity and details. Sometimes comics can be just an enjoyable, action-packed thrill ride. So, needless to say, I was extremely excited when I saw that this was coming to the big screen — I was overjoyed! I still strongly believe that this movie could have been marketed so much better and made so much more money, but that is a different story all together.

I definitely enjoyed this movie more than any other movie I have watched this entire year. I’ve already watched it twice and will probably see it again. It had that great popcorn action flick feel just like the comic did. It was a fun action movie that just kept on going all the way through the end and didn’t drag even for a second.

Unlike Kick-Ass, The Losers is a very close adaptation of the first volume of the comic and can people will easily see where the story is coming from. In fact, the casting in this movie was near perfect and Cougar, who is my favorite in the comic, is also my favorite in the movie. I really hope this movie does well because I would love to see the sequel be made because of its success. Anyways, enough of the small talk let’s get to the SPOILER TALK!

Below are my spoilerific thoughts on the movie The Losers. Don’t forget to add your spoiler-laden musings at the end in the comments section.


WARNING: If you have not seen The Losers, do NOT read any further. There will be SPOILERS below.

-My lord if Jensen, (Chris Evans), playing with homemade dinosaurs is any indication of where this movie is headed I am sure this will be one of my favorite movies ever. Plus the introductions to each character are friggen awesome and almost a perfect translation of style from comic page to movie. Oh yeah and pretty much every character in the movie is perfectly cast.

-Ok seriously I really do want to know how man knives you have Roque, (Idris Elba). I mean, are you a chef at Benihana?

-Hell yes let’s jump into some action and see why Cougar, (Óscar Jaenada), is one of the most important members of the team. I mean seriously does he ever miss? Good luck if you end up in his sights.

-What we all don’t know is that the military actually recruited Pooch, (Columbus Short), for his bus driving skills. They were going to just have him always drive buses but they decided to keep that hidden as their secret weapon. Jeez Jensen is friggen hilarious seriously.

-All this to see how intense Clay, (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), is and what kind of person he is. Great set up for the audience to see who the Losers actually are.

-I love it, Jensen and Cougar find out that they have superior skills at assembly line work making dolls. I mean was that the first job they turned to? Or did they get turned down by every other job and the only thing left for them to try was making dolls? Can we have a buddy movie called Jensen and Cougar look for a new job?

-Now we get to see the eye candy of the movie, Aisha (Zoe Saldana). My god, watching her fight is so hot. Aisha, you can roundhouse kick me to the face any day. Especially in those pants! Holy crap she is so hot the hotel or apartment or whatever it is caught on fire. Hey Clay and Aisha, can you not see there is a fire? Is someone going to do something? I mean seriously what if the owners don’t have home insurance? Oh crap, sucks for the owners of that place cause now everything is going to burn down and all because nobody decided to pay attention to the FIRE!

-Heck yes! That is right my boy Cougar can definitely hang with the best! Poor Jensen, no ladies and a pink Petunias shirt. At least he lives life in style.

-Now we get an introduction to our villains of the story, Wade (Holt McCallany) and Max (Jason Patric). Make sure that if you decide to enter into a life of villainy that you practice reading what each nod means or you might make the mistake of killing the wrong guy. At least we still get to see the devastation the snuke causes. That is a brilliant design in weaponry. Jeez, Max lighten up on the umbrella girl. I mean it’s not like you are a vampire who would die or burn in the sunlight. No need to kill for that half a second spent in the sunlight.

-Pooch has his time to shine in this scene with his badass lines, “You’ve just been chopper jacked,” “I am the Black MacGyver, BlacGyver” plus we all learn an interesting fact, cats make 1,000 different sounds and dogs only make 10! The more you know ding! Thanks again for that tidbit, Jensen.

-I have to agree with Pooch, there are very few things that can’t be fixed with a roll of duct tape.

-This scene is awesome. The technology they use is awesome. I really love Cougar’s shot to take out the vehicle. Oh yeah and how can you not enjoy Jensen’s t-shirts. That hot dog shirt is priceless. I am really loving Pooch’s bobblehead as well.

-Ok sorry maybe it is just because I read the book but damn, seriously? How could you not know Roque will betray everyone?

-Max is a perfect douche with his mannerisms, 18 man fire squad in 12 hours oh 18 man fire squad in 12 hours maybe 18 man fire squad in 12 hours, oh yeah and his Michael Jackson glove.

-Does Zoe Saldana have an owl tattoo on her arm?

-Ok if you weren’t sold on this movie before you should be as soon as Jensen starts singing Journey!!! Liking the Angle of the Dangle? Seriously Jensen? Seriously? Skippy is your cover name? Seriously followed up by a Journey montage! I think someone made this movie specifically for me.

-So apparently you get telekinetic powers from anal. Now you know how to convince your significant other! Either that or you could always try using an ancient philosophy, “Don’t start none, won’t be none.”

-Wow is that guy a hobbit? Seriously he is really small. Then we move from one small person to Max tickling another for some weird reason. I mean I am seriously starting to believe that Max has something mentally wrong with himself.

-I totally love Jensen’s two turtles humping t-shirt ,it is friggen hilarious.

-Finally we get to see Jensen show off why he is part of the team. That guy can really scale buildings and run crazy all over the place.

-Oh I am so surprised that the build off led to the exact moment that anyone with eyes should have seen coming. Roque betrays everyone. I really feel like Idris Elba could have done a lot better of a job hiding his disdain for the plan.

-Who the heck asked for a Dukati and why would you ask for one? Such a weird second request when the first request was the snukes.

-One of my favorite parts of the movie, “Never touch the hat.” Then everyone smiles because of how hot Aisha is. Followed up by stupid question day, this scene totally rocks.

-Why the hell is Wade going for Clay when Roque is the one stealing the money? That whole sequence made no sense at all. It was still awesome to see Wade and the Dukati totally take out that plane though. Especially when coupled with Cougar being the one who pulls off the kill shot. Even though the physics of the bike exploding perfectly enough to where that it gets that high in the air makes absolutely no sense at all. I mean I can see Wade flying off the bike about that height but why would the bike react that way when it is the thing blowing up?

-I love that Clay makes Max shut his smug mouth by shooting him mid sentence. Oh yeah and duct tape saves the day!

-Ok why the hell is that guys ears gaged to be the size of a friggen apple? Why would you do that? Does anyone actually like that? I mean come on there is an excess to almost anything.

-I seriously am diggin all the Journey music in The Losers. Oh yeah and I really love Jensen fighting with the Ref and asking her if she was in the NBA. Hilarious.

Your turn… What do you think of The Losers? How does it compare to the comic? Is Journey your favorite band in the world? Do you think this is a good starting place for the lead into the summer releases?

Topics: Features, Movies
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