Postal
Blu-ray – Unrated Edition
Directed by Uwe Boll
Starring Zack Ward, Dave Foley, J.K. Simmons, Verne Troyer, Erick Avari, Seymour Cassel
Vivendi Entertainment
Release date: August 26, 2008

Making movies based on video games is definitely a slippery slope in the movie industry. Other than Resident Evil, which did well enough in the box office to spawn two sequels, seeing a successful movie based on a video game is about as rare as a watchable Uwe Boll movie. I was hoping that after watching Postal on Blu-ray, a movie not only directed by Boll but also based on a video game, I could kill two birds with one stone.

The movie follows a young man, named “Postal Dude,” who feels the world is against him. He blows his job interview, his obese wife is cheating on him, and to make matters worse, he is living in a trailer park. Fed up with life, he joins his Uncle Dave, a leader of a cult filled to the brim with scantily clad babes and accompany him in his quest to spread his message. What follows is lots of gunfire, lewd humor, Osama Bin Laden, and Verne Troyer.

Postal
Unrated Edition
Directed by Uwe Boll
Starring Zack Ward, Dave Foley, J.K. Simmons, Verne Troyer, Erick Avari, Seymour Cassel
Vivendi Entertainment
Release date: August 26, 2008

Of all the filmmakers that have had cults spring up around them, from M. Night Shyamalan apologists to people who think Michael Bay is the savior we’ve been waiting for, none have deserved it any less that Uwe Boll. He found out one day that he had talent in the negative integers, and tried turning THAT into a marketing ploy. But even at this level of self-awareness, he gets all bent out of shape and starts fights (both verbal and physical) with people who don’t automatically agree with the sub-amateur shit he opts to pump out. At the drop of a hat, he turns into a kind of Teutonic Yosemite Sam.

So, sure enough, a bunch of quasi-retarded, uber-ironic film geeks have surrounded him, calling him “honest” and “a rogue.” In the Cult of Boll, the actual movies he makes become secondary. Wow”¦ I guess you can’t underestimate the power of stupid people in medium-sized groups, either.

So now we have Postal, which is Boll’s first (intentional) comedy. Needless to say, Postal is not funny in the slightest, as Boll fails at everything he sets out to do. He’s quite splendid at being rancid and boring the living shit out of me, but I don’t think that was the plan.