Texas Chainsaw 3D
Directed by John Luessenhop
Written by Debra Sullivan, Adam Marcus
Starring: Alexandra Daddario, Dan Yeager, Tremaine Neverson, Tania Raymonde, Bill Moseley, Paul Rae
Lionsgate Entertainment
Rated R | 92 Minutes
Release Date: January 4th, 2013

Directed by John Luessenhop (Takers), Texas Chainsaw 3D feels like the kind of slasher sequel New Line Cinema would have released in the ’90s.

Reminiscent of movies like Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday and Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, Texas Chainsaw 3D is a derivative, low-budget horror flick that digs up a mass grave of dead horses and beats them senseless with all matter of hammers, meat hooks, and chainsaws.

After 2003’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and its 2006 prequel, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Platinum Dunes decided to abandon the franchise. Twisted Pictures and Lionsgate picked up the rights to the series subsequently, and planned a direct sequel to Tobe Hooper’s original 1974 film – even though there are already three sequels to that film.

And I do mean ‘direct’ sequel – Texas Chainsaw 3D picks up minutes after the original, with police responding to a call from the pickup truck driver who rescued Sally Hardesty. Enraged and slightly drunk, the townspeople of Newt, Texas form a mob, burn down the old Sawyer homestead, and kill the family – even poor ol’ hammer-wielding grandpa. As one red-blooded redneck so elegantly puts it, “Eye for an eye, Sheriff. You can’t get around the Good Book!”

Exit Humanity
Netflix Streaming
DVD
Directed by John Geddes
Starring Brian Cox, Mark Gibson, Dee Wallace, Bill Moseley, Stephen McHattie, Jordan Hayes, Adam Seybold
Foresight Features and The Collective
Originally Released: September 18, 2011

So what does the zombie movie Exit Humanity have to do with my Thanksgiving celebration? Please endure (and indulge) me while I explain a little.

Several years ago, I found myself in a position where I was going to be alone for Thanksgiving. I decided rather than do nothing; I would create my own unique personal tradition for the November holiday: I would cook up some good quality Italian sausage in place of the stereotypical turkey, and watch some zombie movies.

This may not be traditional, but look at it this way: while you were putting up with Aunt Ethyl embarking on a diatribe about Obama being an Antichrist as she shovels bad stuffing into her pie-hole, I was escaping into a kick-ass zombie apocalypse set during the U.S. Civil War era.

That’s right: zombies through the Civil War era.

The Graves
DVD
DIRECTOR: Brian Pulido
STARRING: Clare Grant, Jillian Murray, Bill Moseley, Tony Todd, Amanda Wyss
Lionsgate Home Entertainment
RELEASE DATE: March 23, 2010

For four straight years now, After Dark Horrorfest: 8 Films to Die For has been unleashed. Eight original horror films to quench your thirst for blood and gore and screams galore. Last year I was able to check out and review their third collection of horrors (Read: DVD Review: After Dark Horrorfest III: 8 Films To Die For), and was rather excited to check out their new slate this year! Instead of cramming every review into one mammoth review, this year we’ll take it one flick at a time, with this little opener stuck at the top of each one.

The Graves tells the story of two 20-something rocker comic book geek sisters named Megan Graves (Clare Grant) and Abby Graves (Jillian Murray) who, while on a road trip together before Megan moves to New York, find themselves visiting a shady old mine town that has transformed into a tourist attraction with promises of being incredibly haunted.

It’s clear that something doesn’t feel right and Abby — the more reluctant of the two — tries desperately to convince her sister to keep moving and ignore the mine town. Of course, this wouldn’t be a horror flick if they left, and Megan convinces her sister to check it out. Before long, they witness the brutal murder of a man and the horrific and mysterious aftermath to follow, leaving the sisters on a frantic mission to get back to their car and escape. Despite their efforts, the hell that they’ve visited involves a lot more people than it first appeared, and the evil taking place runs a lot deeper than just those people involved.

For those of you who are unaware (this included myself), a brand new re-imagining of George Romero‘s Night of the Living Dead is being made, and it will be completely computer animated, and in fabulous 3-D.

The movie will be called Night of the Living Dead: Origins, and it aims to do things that haven’t been able to be done in live-action films. Directing duties will be handled by Zebediah de Soto, a true fan of the original film. The 1968 film was the first movie he ever saw after a strict childhood that had him forbidden from TV.

The latest Living Dead has now also begun casting its roles, and you will not be able to deny the loyalty that they show to the zombie genre in their casting. Names that have high association with the horror and zombie genre are getting the jobs, and horror fanboys will surely have to take a peek, even though the thought of a CGI zombie film must be a tad infuriating.