Fortress
Directed by Stuart Gordon
Starring Christopher Lambert, Kurtwood Smith, Loryn Locklin, Clifton Collins Jr., Lincoln Kilpatrick
Lions Gate
Release date: August 5, 2008

In the annals of movie cheesedom, when all is written and the score is tallied, a special place in heaven (or hell) must be reserved for Christopher Lambert. Much like Robert Englund or Michael Dudikoff, his name on a DVD case is either a glaring sign of promise or a huge warning light, depending on how your movie bent on a Friday night is. Because after looking over his profile on IMDB, he has 58 credits to his name as an actor. Nothing in English is good. And yes, I am including Mortal Kombat and Highlander in this estimation, and you can’t change my mind on this.

I for one don’t hold much stock in watching a movie just because it looks cheesy or horrible. If I want to laugh, I’ll watch a comedy. If I want to watch someone make an unholy debacle out of decent intentions, I’d watch Fox News. But at least I stand by my taste and will say that I like Freddy Vs. Jason or Primeval because I honestly think they’re good. I won’t hide behind the “So-Bad-It’s-Good” bullshit.