American Pie: Presents Beta House
Directed by Andrew Waller
Starring John White, Steve Talley, Christopher McDonald, and Eugene Levy
Universal Studios Home Entertainment
Available Dec. 23, 2007
When American Pie Presents: Beta House showed up in the mail the other day, I thought for sure someone on staff would want the assignment.
Hell, more than one person volunteered for Bring It On: In It To Win It, so someone would definitely sign up for an American Pie film, right?
Guess who gets stuck with the review if no one else wants it?
That’s right, ME.
I liked the first three American Pie movies, but once sequels go direct-to-DVD, I’m can’t believe any good can come out of it. So, I groaned a little bit and put the DVD in — which, by the way, has commentary, yes, commentary, the one bonus feature I’m always bitching is missing on DVD releases. But fear not, on this sixth American Pie movie, there’s commentary! Be careful what you wish for!
Beta House brings back the cast from the previous American Pie Presents direct-to-DVD release, The Naked Mile. And who’s in this cast? No one you know, plus Eugene Levy (who I love, love, love) appearing for the sixth time as Mr. Levinstein.
In this latest American Pie Presents film, members of the Stifler family — Erik and Dwight — along with their friends at the Beta Delta Xi House enter into a fierce rivalry with a geeky, but more competent Greek house. After several attacks and retaliations between the two Houses, it’s decided that the only way to settle the feud is to reinstate a long-banned competition known as The Greek Olympiad. The losing House must give up their charter and leave campus.
That’s basically the premise, which takes an hour’s worth of sex, drinking, boobs, and more boobs to get to. But don’t worry, there won’t be any books, classrooms, or teachers to get in the way. I’m not sure if there’s really even a school (but I did learn something: college girls have insatiable sexual appetites!).
Fifteen minutes into movie, when the students arrive on campus at the start of the semester at a university in Michigan, there’s unwieldy urination, projectile vomiting, and hordes of female students dressed in Britney Spears’ schoolgirl uniforms frequently ripping open their tops and dancing topless. Soon after, there’s the longest-distanced cum shot I’ve ever seen.
And, there I am, on my couch, laughing my ass off, especially at Wesley the Blackout Menace, an otherwise perfect student with a habit of getting belligerently drunk, blacking out, and causing total mayhem (we all have a Wesley in our lives, don’t we?). Why, oh, why does toilet humor aimed at teenage boys appeal to me? Now you know why I didn’t want to review this movie — because then I’d have to admit I like it!
Surprisingly, the first hour of non-plot-advancing gratuitous sex and nudity was actually more enjoyable than the outrageous antics of the Olympiad — and they are SO very outrageous, I promise you. If you thought the pie-humping scene in the first movie was too much, then stay clear of Beta House … there’s a scene with a sheep. Use your imagination. If you can’t figure out what happens with the sheep, then this movie is 100 percent NOT FOR YOU.
Perhaps if some of the deleted scenes and storylines featuring some of the ancillary characters were left intact, the movie wouldn’t have felt like sixty minutes of softcore porn and bodily secretions of the pleasant and unpleasant kind. But, Beta House is not a bad movie. Well, no, it actually is a bad movie, but it’s the good kind of bad movie, the one that totally serves its purpose of being an insanely over-the-top teen movie with real low-brow comedy … oh, and boobs. I’m sure my 16-year-old nephew would give me the Aunt of the Year award if I put this DVD in his Christmas stocking this year.
DVD Bonus Features
I definitely recommend watching the deleted scenes and storylines, but if you find that after seeing this movie, that you love it in an obsessive way, you can watch the deleted content WITH commentary. I’m assuming that if you actually paid for this DVD, you’d want to get more for your money — and that’s the beauty of a direct-to-DVD product that really takes itself seriously. You get more bonus features than you can handle. Here’s the rundown of what’s included on this DVD release:
American Pie Game:
American Pie Presents Beta House Widget