Dragon Wars (2007)
Directed by Shim Hyung-Rae
Written by Shim Hyung-Rae
Starring Jason Behr, Amanda Brooks, Robert Forster, Aimee Garcia, Craig Robinson, Chris Mulkey, Elizabeth Pena
Sony Home Entertainment
Available January 8, 2008

According to Korean legend, every five hundred years a woman is born with the mark of the dragon and inside her a spirit energy that can create a celestial dragon. In the heavens, two sects of dragons and their worshippers wait patiently for this woman to be born. And every time she is born, a war breaks out on Earth to take her soul.

In Los Angeles, a young woman by the name of Sarah is the latest reincarnation of the Yoo Yi Joo, and the evil dragon wyrm Buraki wants her spirit! But Sarah is not alone, for she has a lone protector, Ethan, the last reincarnate of the Yoo Yi Joo’s defender. As the Buraki, as well as his followers and their army of lesser dragons, tear through the city, Sarah and Ethan are able to stay one step ahead of them. But as Los Angeles begins to crumble, Sarah becomes more and more convinced that she will have to meet her destiny head on.

In this U.S. and Korea co-production, director and writer Shim Hyung-Rae (who helmed the 1999 monster flick Yonggary) utilizes a Korean technical team and an English cast to bring his mayhem to the screen. The result is a wildly ludicrous, barely comprehensible mess with scores of CGI monsters laying ruin upon a city. In Korea, it has become a huge hit. In America, well, it was in and out of theaters in about two weeks.

Sadly from the get-go, Dragon Wars has a lot going against it. Shim, who culls Korean legend to bring a different saga of dragons to the screen than most western audiences are familiar with, has just way too many ideas and backstory that he wants to compact into the 90-minute running time. Early on, Ethan is told the legend of the dragon sects, known as the Imoogi. Ethan’s mentor, Jack, spews out this highly detailed legend in voiceover, while a flashback to Korea plays underneath. Ethan has only to say “what are you talking about?” to the story. This becomes a running theme with the script, as the legend is referenced again and again. If you don’t catch it the first time around, you’ll be completely lost later on in the film. It is this frustration of not knowing what the hell is going on, even though every character seems to know exactly what is happening, that keeps a dark cloud over enjoying the action and ‘splosions later on.

Robin-B-Hood (2006)
Directed by Benny Chan
Written by Jackie Chan and Yuen Kam-Lun
Starring Jackie Chan, Louis Koo, Michael Hui, Yuen Biao, Charlene Choi, Conroy Chan
Dragon Dynasty
Available Dec. 25, 2007

Master thief and compulsive gambler Thongs (Jackie Chan) along with his womanizing criminal partner Octopus (Louis Koo) find themselves smack in the middle of Three Men And A Baby when their boss kidnaps a newborn that will be passed on to the grandfather for a fee of seven million dollars! Thongs and Octopus, who have no experience with babies, must watch over the tyke for a week until the arrangement is all sorted out, during which time the pair have to take a crash course in caring for an infant, avoid the suspicion of the local authorities, and deal with pesky triad debt collectors. But when it is finally time to turn the baby over, will Thongs and Octopus be able to put aside their newfound parenting instincts in return for the big payday?

Jackie Chan’s latest Hong Kong film effort, which he co-wrote along with first time writer Yuen Kam-Lun, is a mixed bag of classic Chan marital arts hi-jinx and physical comedy with some more heavy-handed issues of familial responsibilities that haven’t been seen since some of his drama-oriented Eighties fare. Chan’s martial arts and acrobatics are on minimal (yet still impressive) display throughout this babysitting epic, and instead favors two-man comedic bits with co-star Louis Koo, with assistance from Chinese comic legend Michael Hui as their boss.

Awakening #1 and 2
Written by Nick Tapalansky
Artwork by Alex Eckman-Lawn
Lettering by Thomas Mauer
Archaia Studios Press
Cover price: $3.50; Available Now

In the early winter months of Park Falls, four citizens have gone missing and another three have been found outright murdered. And while Park Falls can sometimes be a tough little town, it has never been this tough. Derrick can feel it in air. When Cynthia comes bursting into his apartment, claiming she knows what and who is responsible for these killings, Derrick is at first quick to dismiss her rantings as just part of her persona. But what she says sticks with him, and he begins to follow through on her claims of zombies, and who the recently shut down Cline Pharmaceutical is responsible for creating them.

Meanwhile, a blond-haired stranger has come into town on command of the Department of Defense to begin his own investigation. He is unsure what exactly he is looking for, but knows that something is definitely amiss, and when his path crosses Derrick’s, their exchange of information only solidifies Derrick’s resolution to look further. After questioning a few of the former employees of Cline, he finally decides to drive out to the abandoned building to take a look for himself not knowing just what, or who, he will find there.

Balls Of Fury (2007)
Directed by Robert Ben Garant
Written by Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant
Starring Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez, Maggie Q, Thomas Lennon, Robert Patrick
Available Dec. 18, 2007

Childhood ping ping prodigy Randy Daytona, who suffered defeat at the 1988 Games, is now a miserable sod performing tricks at a matinee show in Reno. It is here that FBI agent Ernie Rodriguez offers Randy the chance of a lifetime — to slip into an underground ping pong tournament run by the nefarious triad leader Feng to get evidence that will shut down his criminal organization. Randy agrees, and is soon put through a hellish training by blind ping pong master Wong and Wong’s equally abusive niece, Maggie.

After defeating Chinatown’s local legend, The Dragon, Randy is offered a chance to compete in Feng’s tournament, and is bused off to his secret headquarters in Central America. There, Randy and his fellow competitors are offered all the luxuries they can think of before the first round begins and the early losers learn quite to their horror that this is a tournament to the death! Will Randy be able to stay alive long enough to find the evidence he needs, or will he become just another plaque on Feng’s wall of fallen athletes?

Though the trailers might have had you expecting Dodgeball with table tennis instead, this is by no means another retread of the American-style underdog sports genre, but more in lines of a spoof on the martial arts tournament fare that was extremely popular during the heyday of chop-socky cinema, with a particular riffing on the Bruce Lee films.

WEEK OF GEEK SERIES: I AM LEGEND: PART IV

The Omega Man (1971)
Directed by Boris Sagal
Written by John William Corrington and Joyce H. Corrington
Adapted from the novel I Am Legend
Starring Charlton Heston, Anthony Zerbe, Rosalind Cash, Paul Koslo, Eric Laneuville, Lincoln Kilpatrick

Two years after germ warfare exterminates the human population, Robert Neville believes he is the last human on Earth. But the germs have created an entire new race of mutants out of those that were infected but did not die. These creatures, who have taken on the properties of albinos and are extremely light sensitive, are forced to live in total darkness. By night, Robert fortifies himself in his home as he attempts to survive the mutants’ daily assaults. But by day, Robert becomes the hunter, and speeds through the barren streets of Los Angeles looking for their den.

When Robert is captured by the mutants, he fears that this is the end for him. At the last minute, however, he is rescued by a group he never knew of before — an even smaller band of those who have been infected, but have not completely submitted to the alterations of the germ. These infected are still able to walk in daylight and have not been driven to madness. With this new revelation, Robert once again begins to work on a way to use his own immune blood to create a serum that will cure his new friends. But the clock is ticking and the mutants are growing ever stronger!

Richard Matheson‘s book I Am Legend is returned to once again for script material in this 1971 survival action film. While the previous film, The Last Man On Earth, attempted to stay fairly truthful to the horror material, this time around all but the most overt resemblances are completely dropped while completely new aspects are introduced. The first and foremost of these changes is the casting of Charlton Heston as the lead Robert Neville. Now, Charlton “From My Cold Dead Hands” Heston is not going to be anywhere near a character that goes around putting stakes through hearts, and here he is outfitted with an awe-inspiring assortment of sub-machine guns, pistols, rifles with infra red scopes, and a .50 calibur machine gun mounted on the top of his home.