Holiday movies are usually about one thing: finding the true meaning of Christmas — which apparently has nothing to do with the birth of Christ. Weird, huh? As the movies on our list show, the “true” meaning of Christmas has something to do with secularized faith in humankind and being joyful no matter what tragedies strike you. Inspiring. But the movies on our list transcend the banal and cliche. And this time around we actually had criteria. Three to be exact: timelessness, originality, and overall quality. We’re not fooling anymore!

Actually, there was a fourth criteria: the movie had to not be IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. We know many of you will say, “Hey, where the hell is IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE? It’s a freakin classic. This list is crap without it.” In fact, those were the very words of our own co-publisher Dave3. But Zuzu and her damn petals have been banned from our list. Because, quite frankly, we are sick of it — except, of course, Dave3 — who only agreed to continue working on the Zine if we allowed IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE back on the list next year. Hmmm…what should we ban in 2007?

PLOT: An oversized elf named Buddy searches for his father in New York City.

THOUGHTS: We need more holiday movies starring Will Ferrell. A Neil Diamond Hanukkah special maybe? ELF is hilarious any time of the year and Ferrell is perfect as the overgrown Santa’s helper. It’s a smart, original holiday movie, but it isn’t sappy (not until the end, anyway). (Watch it Dec. 12 on USA.)

PLOT: A skeptical boy rides a magical train to the North Pole.

THOUGHTS: Based on the children’s book by Chris Van Allsburg, POLAR EXPRESS has some of most beautiful animation ever rendered in a holiday film (it’s also one of the most expensive films, with a $150 million budget). It truly looks like a book come to life. Adding to the magic, Tom Hanks voices four characters — so that’s quadruple the Hanks-Power than any other film in history. How could it not be heart-warming? Sure to become a holiday staple. (Watch it Dec. 8 on FAMILY.)

PLOT: Charlie Brown searches for the true meaning of Christmas.

THOUGHTS: The Peanuts have a classic for just about every holiday, but the Christmas special is definitely their best. What really sets this classic apart from most of the other popular holiday films is that, when Charlie Brown finally breaks down in his search for the true meaning of Christmas, Linus reminds him of the story of Jesus’s birth. What? Christmas is about Christ? The Peanuts pull it off without being preachy and there’s not a dry eye in the house when Charlie starts singing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.” And you got to love that pathetic tree. (Watch it Dec. 17 on ABC.)

PLOT: When Jack Skellington happens upon the parallel world of Christmas Town, he recruits his Halloween Town subjects to help him make Christmas that year.

THOUGHTS: While typically associated with Halloween, Tim Burton‘s stop-motion feature is equally imbued with Christmas spirit. Jack naively tries to give Santa Claus the holiday off by having him kidnapped, and even when his plans to make the holiday toys goes awry, it’s clear that his intentions are never malicious. What makes this film so endearing is that it shows that even the creatures of the night can feel the magic and joy of Christmas.

PLOT: A miser is led on a journey of self-reflection and redemption when he sees a vision of his past, present, and future.

THOUGHTS: Ebenezer Scrooge replies to holiday greetings with a curmudgeonly “Bah! Humbug!,” he begrudgingly gives his worker Christmas day off, and has no sympathy for the poor and misfortunate. While the name “Scrooge” has become synonymous with someone lacking the Christmas spirit, the character is actually a prime example of how one can reverse one’s selfish ways and adopt a caring and giving attitude year-round. There have been several screen adaptations, but our favorite has to be the 1999 version starring Patrick Stewart in the lead role.

PLOT: The inhabitants of Toyland suffer the wrath of the evil Barnaby, who tries to marry a reluctant Little Bo Peep and threatens to evict the Old Lady Who Lives in a Shoe.

THOUGHTS: Originally titled BABES IN TOYLAND (based on the 1903 operetta), the film featured comedy duo Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy in a fairytale setting as workers at a toy shop who reverse Santa Claus’s order for 600 one-foot-tall wind-up wooden toy soldiers. Instead, 100 six-foot-tall soldiers are built, but it’s their “march” that ends up saving all of Toyland from Barnaby and his army of Bogeymen. Although it’s actually a musical comedy, this flick is consistently shown on television during the holiday season.

PLOT: When a disheartened Santa Claus decides to take a break from Christmas, Mrs. Claus and two elves search the world to find people who still believe in Old St. Nick.

THOUGHTS: While the movie was one of several Rankin/Bass stop-motion animated holiday specials, it’s definitely the most memorable thanks to sibling rivals Heat Miser and Snow Miser (that’s right, they’re too much). But it’s more than the adorable characters and catchy tunes that make this movie shine — it’s the message that Christmas is about generosity, peaceful coexistence, and showing appreciation, not about receiving presents. (Watch the live-action version Dec. 11 on NBC.)

PLOT: A department store Santa claims to be the real deal, much to the disbelief of a little girl.

THOUGHTS: MIRACLE ON 34th STREET is a heart-warming classic. A young Natalie Wood (she was nine) shines in her role as the skeptical little girl who befriends an old man claiming to be Santa Claus. Of course, Kris Kringle is hauled off to the looney bin and the case is brought to court. What wins it for the fat guy? Mail. Lots of it. It’s one of most memorable moments in holiday cinema and helped put MIRACLE ON 34th STREET among the pantheon of holiday classics.

PLOT: Ralphie goes on a quest to get the perfect Christmas gift — a Red Rider BB gun.

THOUGHTS: Initially A CHRISTMAS STORY was a flop. Its theatrical run didn’t even last till Christmas. But it has since become a cult movie, then a beloved holiday tradition. And for good reason. It’s a rare, honest Christmas movie — Ralphie’s holiday is full of frustration and disappointment; his family is dysfunctional; and he does, inevitably, shoot his eye out…kinda. It’s also funny as hell and filled with memorable moments, like the tongue-stuck-on-the-cold-metal-pole scene. We double dog dare you not to watch this movie come Christmas. (Watch it Dec. 15 on TCM.)

PLOT: Disgusted by the joyful Whos, the Grinch plots to steal Christmas.

THOUGHTS: This is the perfect Christmas movie. HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS has it all — an awesome character (the Grinch), great music (“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”), great artwork (Chuck Jones), great script (Dr. Seuss), and Boris Karloff. It never sinks into that sickening sentimentality as so many other holiday tales do, though it still manages to end on an uplifting note. Forty years after being released, it still hasn’t gotten old. (Watch it Dec. 12 on ABC.)

Written by Empress Eve and Dave3 of G.o.D. as well as Jimzarro and Jenn-X of Blogzarro.