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Remake Madness: Short Circuit, Bill & Ted’s … and Casablanca?
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The Movie God   |  @   |  
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Johnny 5 wants to know why?... WHY?A couple of nostalgia films from my childhood have been in the news this week for their rumored remakes.

First off, we have everyone’s favorite robot friend, Johnny 5, in a remake of the 1986 movie Short Circuit. I have no idea if they will actually go through with this, but they seem to be serious.

Variety has informed us that Dimension has acquired the rights to the film and has hired S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock to write the script; yes, the same two dudes who wrote the original two movies.

Another ’80s movie in the news is 1989’s Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. For a while now, Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter have talked about possibly re-visiting their characters a couple decades later, but it never really transpired.

Now comes word from Moviehole that MGM has decided to just do it themselves… with a remake instead of a second sequel… with a new cast of young, intelligency-deficient rockers who travel through time gathering historical figures for a school project. Word is, they’ll do away with the phone booth concept and try something new for their travel (I don’t even want to know) and their band will be called The Atomic Gorillas!

Are people really paid to do this shit?

I have an amazing idea for a movie. We should re-VISION Caddyshack! We’ll have all modernized clothing styles and… and we’ll have SWEET new golf clubs and gear and… and… we’ll cast Paul Walker as the lead caddy! We could get Bill Murray to play the judge! How ironic would that be? And instead of the gopher, we’ll get one of those adorable little prairie dogs from Meerkat Manor to be the rodent. OOH, and we could get Tiger Woods to do a cameo! Aren’t I a genius? Pay me!

I’m sorry, I needed to vent a little there. There’s only so much brain-dead studio-executive decisions that I can take.

But alas, it gets even worse. I have something that would make any movie fan’s stomach churn. If you’re passionate about movies, you may not want to read this, as you may be bedridden for the rest of the night.

You’ve been warned.

Movies.com has a little rumor this week that Madonna (yes, that once respected and idolized Madonna) would like to do a remake of her own. The movie that she would like to remake is called Casablanca. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of it; I think it was an independent movie or something from the ’70s. She wants to play Ingrid Bergman’s part AND — wait for it — she wants to modernize it and have it take place in Iraq. Hell, you might as well just cast Miley Cyrus to appeal to the younger generations; why not?!

I’ll give you a moment to use the bathroom if needed. Get a glass of water or a little Pepto.

Everyone OK? Alright.

I actually kind of want this one to happen; hear me out! As far as I’m concerned, it does not really matter how many of these absurd remakes they do, we will ALWAYS have the superior original movies and we know that they will never be surpassed. If Madonna is actually insane enough to try this, she would become an example to all others who want to remake classics. I predict that this would bring unbearable amounts of negative criticism upon her and when people see someone like the legend Madonna being torn apart, would anyone else be so bold to do it anymore?

Maybe we’ve gotten to a point where people just don’t like using their brains anymore and all of this allows them to zone out for movies.

I just don’t know anymore. I know every single person hates this Hollywood habit as much as I do, but feel free to share your thoughts!

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Topics: Movies, News, Remakes
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