Gamers
Written and Directed by Christopher Folino
Starring Kevin Kirkpatrick, Kevin Sherwood, Scott Rinker, Dave Hanson, Joe Nieves, Michael Bell, William Katt, John Heard, Beverly D’Angelo, Kelly LeBrock
Release Date: May 6th, 2008
87 minutes, Unrated

First things first, I have to admit that the title of Gamers kind of fooled me because my initial thought was that this was going to be a movie about video game freaks, not pen and paper, RPG nerds. My guess is that the misleading title is intentional to “bait and switch” goofballs like me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve played a great many pen and paper RPG’s in my time and have a great affinity for them. But nowadays, “Gamers” has a completely different connotation in my mind and in the minds of many others, I’m sure. Using that title here just smacks of shameless commercialism, which pisses me off.

This straight-to-DVD offering follows a group of friends (Kevin, the nerd who thinks he’s not a nerd; Reese, the uber-nerd; Fernando, the foreign nerd; Paul, the squirrely nerd; and Gordon, the nerd with a heart of gold) that has been playing the same game of Demons, Nymphs and Dragons (“D-N-D,” get it? Aren’t the creative forces behind this flick oh-so-goddamn clever??) since high school and they are finally about to break the world record for total hours played. A documentary crew (represented in the voiceover narration of Michael Bell) follows this group of misfits as they prepare to rewrite the annals of “D-N-D” history.

The movie itself is an exercise in frustration because it is just so incredibly schizophrenic and uneven. They mention in the extras (quite proudly for some reason”¦) that Gamers was shot in six days and, oh boy, does it show. There are some funny moments (Reese’s lactating prom date stands out in my mind), but the ham-fisted direction and acting, especially by Joe Nieves as Fernando, who, quite noticeably, slips in an out of his supposed Argentinean accent throughout the film, completely sabotages the few, solid comedic moments.

It is a shame because in the hands of a capable director, Gamers could have been something. We’re not talking Citizen Kane here, but with a legitimate cast, budget, and creative team this could have been just as good as, if not better than, one of my favorite “guilty pleasure” movies, Grandma’s Boy.

The real shame in this flick truly lies in the crappy, “cash-in” cameos by John Heard, William Katt, Beverly D’Angelo, and Kelly LeBrock. (Man, has she hit the fucking wall going a thousand miles an hour. I guess being married to Steven Seagal for nine years takes a toll on a girl”¦) I hope whatever they were paid for this gig was worth it because all of their sad performances in Gamers define the phrase “mailing it in.” If it were up to me, I would’ve hired a gaggle of unknowns for these parts, since the so-called “stars” here don’t really provide any star power anyway, used whatever money I saved to put back into my film, thus (hopefully) improving the overall quality of it”¦but that’s just me, I guess. I’m kooky like that.

In terms of technical specs and extras, the film itself is presented in full screen, 1:33:1 format and Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo sound, so this disc isn’t going to blow any of you technophiles away. The extras are pretty thin as well, offering two lame commentary tracks, a handful of useless, deleted scenes, and a short interview session with the main cast members, which again, adds nothing to the overall experience. It’s as if they just slapped on some extras just so they can say, “Hey, at least we have some extras on our DVD!”

At the end of the day, Gamers as a concept is a great idea; a movie that I would want to see and would pay to see. Unfortunately, the cheap and shoddy execution of the film entirely kills the overall experience for me. Every time a humorous bit sucked me into the film’s story, I was almost immediately ripped out by some horrible acting or amateurish direction”¦and that just annoys me to no end.

Rent (Buy? What are you nuts?!) Gamers at your own peril. A saving throw against Bargain Bin Bullshit may be required first. Consider yourself warned, pilgrim.