Before they come “out of the shadows” on June 3rd, the gang at Screen Junkies wants to take you back in time… to a horrifying past where the heroes in a half shell wore denim jackets and put on a rock musical! Yep, before Michael Bay turned my childhood heroes into tall CGI monstrosities, and way after the greatness of the animated show, the toys, and the first two live action movies, the turtles hit the stage for the most bizarre and awful live act you may ever see. So sit back and enjoy, or avert your eyes from an Honest Trailer that NO ONE asked for – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells. In full disclosure, I did NOT have this VHS and never saw it, but if I knew it existed in 1990, I would’ve been all over it!

Check out the Honest Trailer below.

“I got a story to tell. It’s like way back when we were coming out of our shell”… yeah, sing it Raph!

Get ready for the VHS special where the Turtles lip sync to terrible original songs while fake playing instruments, that proves that in the ’90s, people would buy ANYTHING with a turtle on it. Narrator Jon Bailey goes through the hit song list including: the Beach Boys knock-off, the rap song so bad it made Vanilla Ice sound like Tupac… no seriously…

“Cowabunga is my favorite word. I use it all the time, or haven’t you heard?”

There’s April O’Neill’s power ballad, and of course… the Splinter Springsteen homage song! “He can make a funny, but he can’t make a sing-y.” Okay that one cracked me up. Then Bailey gets into the plot about Shredder trying to steal all the world’s music to somehow take control of… something. Wait until you see Shredder roast the kids in the audience. Check out the cheesy product placement, and those dated references… Wow, just wow.

But if you thought all of this was horrendous, wait until Nostalgia Critic from YouTube’s Channel Awesome shows up and takes Bailey on ride through turtle history to even more musicals, and ’90s talk show appearances. It’s somehow even worse than Coming Out of Their Shells! “Wishing You a Turtle Christmas” where the turtles sing carols with Jamaican accents, or “Getting Down in Your Town,” the laughable follow-up to COOTS. Oprah even tries to sway the turtles into a bestial relationship with April… okay, I’m done!

Starring: Absolutely Nothing of Value; New Title – TMNT: Your Childhood Always Sucked (You Just Didn’t Know It).

Screen Junkies have over 5.5 million subscribers on YouTube and release new Honest Trailers every Tuesday. The Nostalgia Critic’s Channel Awesome has over 535,000 subscribers. If this didn’t turn you totally off, then Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows hits theaters Friday June 3rd.

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Honest Trailers – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of Their Shells