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Movie Review: Run Fatboy Run
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Tony D, Hardcore Film Maniac   |  

Run Fatboy Run movie posterRun Fatboy Run
Directed by David Schwimmer
Starring Simon Pegg, Thandie Newton, Hank Azaria, Matthew Fenton, Dylan Moran
Picturehouse
Rated PG-13
Release date: March 28, 2008

After Hot Fuzz, I made a promise to myself to see all films starring Simon Pegg in their first week of release. I don’t care how bad they were. I wouldn’t stop. Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz were only starters. After Big Nothing premiered on DVD back in June, I caught it and enjoyed it just as much as the other two. Run Fatboy Run was scheduled to be released later that year, but for some reason unknown to me, it was pushed back from October to the end of March. That’s six months folks. Six months without Simon Pegg’s comedic genius is like six months without SEX.

...continue reading »
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Movie Review: Superhero Movie
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Tony D, Hardcore Film Maniac   |  

Superhero MovieSuperhero Movie
Directed by Craig Mazin
Starring: Drake Bell, Leslie Nielsen, Sara Paxton, Christopher McDonald, Pamela Anderson, Tracy Morgan
Rated PG-13
Release date: March 28, 2008

Remember when spoof movies were laugh-out-loud funny? Films like Blazing Saddles, Spaceballs, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights ruled the parody movie circuit, but all of these films were only Mel Brook’s contributions to the genre. For the title of the king was given to no one other than David Zucker, the man that brought comedies such as Airplane!, Top Secret, and The Naked Gun films.

But over the past five years, the king has been thrown off the throne. His last two films, both entries in the money-making Scary Movie franchise, have sucked BIG ones, but they were nonetheless popular with audiences. But he has now lost the steam that he once had in the ’80s and ’90s, by replacing comical jokes with fart and barf jokes and by replacing plot devices with unnecessary pop culture references. (Although this isn’t much of Zucker’s fault. While he only served as producer, writer of the Scary Movie films Craig Mazin wrote and directed this film).

That is not to say that Superhero Movie is any different.

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Movie Review: 10,000 B.C.
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Tony D, Hardcore Film Maniac   |  

10,000 B.C. Movie Poster10,000 B.C.
Directed by Roland Emmerich
Starring Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis
Rated PG-13
Release date: March 7, 2008

History has it that after Roland Emmerich made Godzilla and The Day After Tomorrow, he became tired of critics shitting on his movies, and went back to fourth-grade history class to learn about the people who lived 12,000 years before him. He was told by his teacher that they all spoke English and lived in houses that were bigger than Michael Vick’s dog-pit. He was told that there was no such thing as the Ice Age. Convinced by his fourth-grade teacher, he set off to make the perfect comeback film that would garner critical acclaim and earn Roland Emmerich a Best Directing Oscar. When he would accept his award, he would act surprised, compared to the Coen brothers who whispered in each other’s ears as they won, “I sooo saw that coming.”

Pfft, yeah, and someone would give Dina Lohan her own television show”¦

Umm”¦ skip that.

10,000 B.C. is the single most wasted piece of celluloid that has came out in 2008. I know I’ve said that before, but this is truly the worst. Although I could have expected it coming from the same guy who has directed Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, and Godzilla, you could at least TRY directing a good movie (and honestly, who in the hell advertises their movie by saying “the director of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow?). But I guess Roland Emmerich, director of 10,000 B.C., would rather have the film looking pretty instead of being historically accurate.

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Movie Review: Vantage Point
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Tony D, Hardcore Film Maniac   |  

Vantage PointSPOILER WARNING: This review contains tons and TONS of spoilers, including the ending. You’ve been warned.

Vantage Point
Directed by Pete Travis
Starring Dennis Quaid, Matthew Fox, Forest Whitaker
Rated PG-13
Release date: Feb. 22, 2008

“Matthew Fox from “˜Lost?’ You know what’s interesting about him? NOTHING!” — Seth Rogan, Knocked Up

Well didn’t this weekend just suck monkey dick. My one computer crashed on Saturday and Sunday it manages to wipe out all of our shit, including my music. Also on Sunday, I was given the opportunity to see one of three films – Vantage Point, Semi-Pro, or Definitely, Maybe. Being that I had to review Vantage Point for Geeks of Doom and Semi-Pro for FilmArcade, I narrowed my choices down to those two. Since I was a week late with Vantage Point, I caught that one. And I can tell you right now that without seeing Semi-Pro whether or not I made a good choice.

Vantage Point ends up being one of the longest 23-minute movies I ever seen. Yes, the film is 90 minutes, but the actual events in the movie itself take place around 23 minutes. The film is a rip-off of Kurosawa’s classic Rashomon. Using its viewpoint technique, Vantage Point could easily have become the most inventive film of 2008, but instead, it manages to become the Spider-Man 3 of 2008. Its problems are so correctable that you can even tell that it was directed by a first-time director”¦ and it was. Mr. Pete Travis only worked on television upon this film, and he uses his television gimmicks while directing Vantage Point. He has directed a 90-minute episode of Lost, had it taken place in Spain, and instead of one vantage point an episode, there are five within one episode.

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Movie Review: Charlie Bartlett
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Tony D, Hardcore Film Maniac   |  

Charlie Bartlett movie posterCharlie Bartlett
Directed by Jon Poll
Starring Anton Yelchin, Robert Downey, Jr., Hope Davis
Rated R
Release date: February 22nd, 2008

“Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.” – Matthew Broderick, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

“M-I-L-F Mom I’d Like to Fuck!” – John Cho, American Pie

John Hughes is considered one of the greatest minds in teenaged cinema for the past twenty years. Not only did he bring along what we now call The Brat Pack, he helped create the films — The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off are among the many classic high school flicks that teenagers now look at today as classics. That’s true; I consider The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller to be two of the greatest films on the planet (hell, I don’t even want to begin about how many times I pulled off the Ferris Bueller trick”¦ every teenager deserves to watch that).

I’ll admit — there has been a lack of great teenaged comedies today. Out of every good one (American Pie, almost ten years ago), we get about ten bad ones (Accepted and American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile). Usually I wouldn’t be screaming at the top of my lungs asking where all of the good times gone, because I can still watch The Departed and No Country for Old Men and answer my own question, but Christ, where have the good TEENAGED COMEDIES gone?

It seems like an odd way to begin those two paragraphs in a review for Charlie Bartlett, a film about a teenager with ADD just trying to become popular by giving advice and drugs to his classmates. Truth is, no matter how many times they had pushed back Charlie Bartlett, it doesn’t make it any worse. Charlie Bartlett is honestly the best teenaged comedy since American Pie 2. That was seven years ago. Our generation is fucking begging for another film like that. I think it was the perfect time for a film like Charlie Bartlett to come around.

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