The Cold War was the best! No. Wait. Let me start over. The Cold War was the best because we knew who we were fighting. Let’s face it, the war on terror is about as specific as the war on war (patent pending). It’s an obscure blanket term that focuses more on an ideal than a physical enemy. And as an American I can say with no hesitation that we need physical enemies. We need guys to point the finger at and give the finger to. Guys we can put on the fronts of t-shirts and parody on television. Plus, you can’t punch a concept in the face… or screw its wife (metaphorically speaking, of course).

During the Cold War, we had the Soviet Union; the great red bear led by mother Russia herself. A vodka-soaked, capitalism-hating empire bent on world domination (at least that’s what our media seemed to think). It was like Cobra, if everybody was the Baroness. With America’s current foreign policy going the way it’s going (we’re looking at you Syria and most of the Middle East, for that matter), we might not be too far off from bringing back the times when our hatred of other nations seemed more politically based and substantially less racist.

Continue reading for more and to check out my 6 Reasons Life Was Way Better When Russia Was The Bad Guy.

There is so much more to G.I. Joe than a cartoon designed to shill action figures for Hasbro. G.I. Joe was, and still is, one of the edgiest cartoons made for children, featuring a rich and immersive character culture, adult themes such as terrorism, and a “too smart for their own good” series of plot-lines. While G.I. Joe was made for children of my generation, it still holds up today next to only a few other cartoons that can be enjoyed as much (or more so) as an adult than as a child.

G.I. Joe certainly had its fair share of generic throwaway episodes, but when it was smart, it was brilliant. The storyline that left the greatest impact on me is also the one that is singlehandedly responsible for my love of history. Way back in 1986, G.I. Joe ran a 5-part mega event in which Cobra, the coolest terrorist group of all time, combed the tombs of the greatest leaders in history, stole their DNA, and then cloned a perfect emperor. For an impressionable youth like myself, this was everything.

Serpentor was amazing. A man made of better men who had a bitchin’ air chariot and wore snake armor. Serpentor gave zero fucks. He didn’t ask, he commanded. He threw snakes at people and would backhand his followers with the precision of a pimp and the ruthlessness of Chris Brown.

If I’ve learned one thing from Batman, it’s that a hero is truly defined by his villains (in truth I’ve learned many things from Batman). For every great hero, there has to be a healthy stable of villains who can, and will, strike at any moment and be a constant pour of salt onto an open wound. This sentiment rings true in most creative mediums, but comic books aside, action movies are the standout.

Continue reading to check out my Definitive Guide To Obscure Action Movie Villains.