In their latest attempt to banish all traces of gay from the planet, conservative group One Million Moms, one of the tumors sprouting from the larger cancer known as American Family Association, is urging Toys ‘R’ Us to stop selling an issue of Life With Archie depicting the wedding of the comic’s first openly gay character, Kevin Keller, to Clay, an African American doctor who treated Keller’s war injuries. Yes, you read that right: Kevin’s a war hero! And he’s marrying a doctor, no less! A million real moms would swoon in delight. So what’s the problem?

The problem, apparently, is that One Million Moms — whose numbers are about 955,488 shy of an actual million, according to their Facebook page — feels it’s unfair for them to have to answer questions their kids may ask about the world around them while standing in a toy store. Also, it doesn’t like gay people.