Grown Ups
Directed by Dennis Dugan
Starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, David Spade, Rob Schneider
Rated PG-13
Release date: June 25, 2010

If you only see one movie this summer, it would be a smart idea to make it anything other than Grown Ups, the latest film to star Adam Sandler and the usual group of people who seem to rely entirely on Sandler for work.

What rough passes for the plot of the movie is this: A group of friends were all on their grade school basketball team together and won a championship game. Thirty years later, their former coach passes away, and the friends decide to spend a weekend at a cottage on the lake after his funeral. They bring their families, straight from the funeral, and hilarity ensues… right? Not really.

Every single character is a one-trick pony that runs the same joke into the ground repeatedly. Eric (Kevin James) is a family man who tries hard to be a big shot but cannot have a honest conversation about most things. Kurt (Chris Rock) is an emasculated househusband who likes to cook, but only so much that it’s mentioned once early in the film. Marcus (David Spade) is a sex-hungry womanizer. Rob (Rob Schneider) is a new-age dimwit who likes much older women. Then there’s Lenny (Adam Sandler) who’s rich, successful, and great at sports all while being surprisingly humble and down-to-Earth about it all.

Wrong Side of Town
DVD
Directed by David DeFalco
Starring Rob Van Dam, Dave Batista, Lara Grice, David Bautista
Lionsgate Entertainment

I love all kinds of movies but some of my favorites are B-action movies. Comparable to junk food for some, but I always saw them as a better form of cinematic escapism than the majority of Hollywood’s bloated and over-budgeted FX wank fests. In my book, the worse that a movie can aspire to be is dull. Hell, even so-called “bad movies” contain loads of prime entertainment value and you can have some fun with them. In the case of Wrong Side of Town, a movie directed by a former wrestler and that’s painfully apparent from the first scene, you could have more fun sitting in a waiting room before you get a vasectomy. It’s paced like a televised golf game, poorly shot and acted, and frontloaded with every conceivable verbal and visual cliché and racial stereotype in the B-action movie playbook. You would think a movie featuring a cast of wrestlers, rappers, and porn stars all trying [and failing] to act would be better.

Former Navy SEAL Bobby Kalinowsky (Pro wrestler Rob Van Dam, a.k.a. Mr. Thursday Night, Mr. PPV, The Whole Dam Show, The Whole F’n Show, and soon to be known as Can’t Act Worth a Dam) has given up his life of silently slitting throats in the name of democracy to enjoy a comfortable and happy life as a landscape architect in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with his loving wife Dawn (Lora Grice) and nubile teenage daughter Brianna (Brooke Frost).

The Amory Wars: In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 #2
Writers: Claudio Sanchez and Peter David
Artist: Chris Burnham
Colorist: Zac Atkinson
Letterer: Johnny Lowe
Published By: Boom! Studios/Evil Ink Comics
Price: $3.99
Release Date: June 23, 2010

The science fiction epic The Amory Wars: In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth 3 really takes off in this second issue of the series. After the introductions to the cast we get a little more back story regarding the characters, and the action starts when we see the characters of Inferno and his children, and get more of a look at the villains of the story, General Mayo Deftinwolf, and the Supreme Tri-Mage Wilhelm Ryan. Claudio Sanchez and Peter David take this issue to set up the conflicts in the story and provide a refresher in the motivations for each of the characters, and they do a fantastic job in doing so.

Issue #2 starts where we left off, with our hero, Claudio Kilgannon, explaining to his former girlfriend’s dog where he has been and all of the reasons for his absence in their lives. Sanchez and David use this conversation as a device to explain more of the history of the series, which is very complex and has previously had an entire series that takes place before In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3. Also, we experience the trials and tribulations of those that oppose the Supreme Tri-Mage, and get a real look at the rebel forces through the descriptions of Kilgannon’s experiences off-planet, and Inferno growing his forces to fight this evil empire.

Yes, you read that correctly — Deadline is reporting that none other than Peter Jackson is going to direct both parts of The Hobbit himself, and that he’s working out all the complicated contractual stuff at this very moment.

Funny how things seem to work out.

When we found out that a movie was being made based on J.R.R. Tolkien‘s classic Hobbit tale, but that the Lord of the Rings Director Jackson would only be producing, the first name that came to mind was Guillermo del Toro. The confirmation that del Toro would in fact be directing was incredibly exciting, but when many delays and some major issues with MGM caused del Toro to step away, it was undeniably depressing. And what was the first name that people thought of to replace him? It was Peter Jackson, naturally.

The first trailer for Little Fockers has been released online by Universal Pictures. The movie is the latest installment in the series following 2000’s Meet the Parents and 2004’s Meet the Fockers.

This time around, Greg (Ben Stiller) and his wife Pam (Teri Polo) have a couple of kids and things are going well. So well, in fact, that Jack (Robert DeNiro) has even finally accepted Greg into the revered Byrnes family “Circle of Trust.” This doesn’t last long, of course, as Jack suspects Greg of being up to no good and once again questions whether he’s worthy of association with the family.

Click over to the other side to read a synopsis and check out the trailer for Little Fockers now.