Remember yesterday when you were super excited about that Tales from the Crypt revival announcement? Me too! Well I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, but that super exciting revival might not be quite as exciting as you and I both hoped it would be.

Now keep in mind, this isn’t confirmed just yet, so pull me away from this ledge before I slip and hurt my everything. But Bloody-Disgusting says an insider of theirs is telling them that the Crypt Keeper himself, that dusty old corpse with a true passion for pun work, will NOT be a part of this new revival of the show.

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood
Blu-ray
Director: Gilbert Adler
Writers: A. L. Katz, Gilbert Adler
Cast: Dennis Miller, Erika Eleniak, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Aubrey Morris, Phil Fondacaro, Whoopi Goldberg
Scream Factory
Rated R | 87 Minutes
Release Date: October 20, 2015

“I just love a man who gives you head – and lets you keep it!”

Directed by Gilbert Adler, 1996’s Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood stars Dennis Miller (Saturday Night Live) as Rafe Guttman, a wisecracking detective who is called upon to investigate some strange happenings at a bordello on the edge of town.

After her delinquent brother Caleb (Corey Feldman) goes missing, Catherine Verdoux (Erika Eleniak) enlists the services of a private eye. After a night of heavy drinking and debauchery, Caleb and a friend visit an underground brothel in the guise of a funeral home, never to be seen again.

Turns out the whorehouse is owned and operated by Madam Lilith (Angie Everhart), a redheaded vampire whose lustful servants are ready and willing to suck patrons dry! Armed with a Super Soaker filled with holy water and a battle ax, Guttman and televangelist Reverend Jimmy Current (Chris Sarandon of Fright Night) must fight their way out of Lilith’s den of sin and save the captive Catherine.

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight
Blu-ray
Director: Ernest Dickerson
Writers: Mark Bishop, Ethan Reiff, Cyrus Voris
Cast: Billy Zane, William Sadler, Jada Pinkett Smith, Thomas Haden Church, CCH Pounder, John Kassir, Dick Miller
Scream Factory
Rated R | 93 Minutes
Release Date: October 20, 2015

“Ready for your deadtime story?”

Directed by Ernest Dickerson (The Wire, The Walking Dead), 1995’s Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight stars William Sadler (The Mist) as a mysterious drifter known as Brayker.

Brayker possesses the last of seven ancient keys that protect humanity from the forces of darkness. He is pursued by a demonic Collector (Billy Zane, Titanic), who has retrieved the other six keys.

In his quest for the final key, the Collector raises an army of goddamn demons against Brayker and the inhabitants of a run-down hotel. Armed with automatic weapons and some sacred blood, Brayker and Jeryline (Jada Pinkett-Smith) must rally the other guests in a gruesome battle against the Collector and his evil horde of ghouls.