On Thursday, the first trailer for next February’s RoboCop reboot/remake was released. I watched it twice – the first time squinting and achingly readjusting my eyesight as a YouTube embed played on my trading card-sized cell phone screen; the second time in high-definition on my laptop. Viewing it initially with lackluster screen resolution and barely passable sound quality, I felt that I couldn’t judge the content fairly, since I was only able to process a flurry of rapid-fire images. The most visually appalling that I could recall were Samuel L. Jackson‘s hairpiece and some the sight of the iconic cyborg police officer of a crime-ridden Detroit re-envisioned (and I use that term so loosely it would not stick even if I used applied super glue and hammered nails into it, crucifixion style) as the stillborn love child of Mike Baron and Steve Rude’s sci-fi comic book superhero Nexus and one of those Jaeger pilot suits from Pacific Rim.
So I waited until the second time when I could finally hear and see everything the trailer had to offer to decide for myself if this 2:20 spot that us fans of the original RoboCop had been waiting for with the kind of anticipation that can reduce your stomach lining to beef jerky was a positive sign of things to come. As it turns out, I shouldn’t have bothered with the second viewing because I hadn’t really missed anything on my initial viewing of the trailer. No matter what size you watch it on, be it Google Glass or IMAX, the trailer for the rebooted RoboCop represents everything the bad buzz that has been gathering and festering for months like locusts feasting on the decaying remains of Bubonic plague victims was priming us for: ugly, bland, humorless, monotonous, and derivative of not only the original RoboCop movies, but of every jacked-up and failed superhero movie ever made by a major studio.
...continue reading »