My Bloody Valentine 3D
Directed by Patrick Lussier
Starring Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsy Rue
Rated R
Release Date: January 16, 2009

Movies get made on a single gimmick all the time. It’s a shame when creative writing takes a back seat to an idea that gets people into seats just to see it play out. Sometimes, it’s the pairing of two well-known actors, sometimes it’s a single actor playing a nontraditional role, sometimes it’s just visual gimmick. In the case of the remake of My Bloody Valentine 3D it’s the latter, but that should be obvious from the title.

I have to admit that the 3D aspect of the film is the only thing that got me interested to see what would otherwise be a typical slasher flick with a masked mystery man. Though the original may have gathered a strong following two decades ago, the remake is one of those in a long line of remakes that probably should not have been made.

3D has been done before, so it’s nothing to get terribly excited about. Friday the 13th part 3 was in 3D, as was the climax of Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare. Though the latter only had a small portion of the film driven by this effect, the former looks downright silly when watching it with the added dimension. So I can only imagine the same will be true when this version of My Bloody Valentine is released on DVD. I’m only able to guess because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sit through the entire film again, even though I was allowed to keep my 3D glasses when I left the theater. Sure, some of the scenes looked pretty cool, but not enough to warrant a second viewing.

The backstory of My Bloody Valentine can be summarized quickly. In a small town where nearly everyone is connected to the local coal mine, tragedy strikes one year on Valentine’s Day when a collapse traps several miners including Harry Warden. Warden is the only survivor discovered, but he is in a coma. An investigation reveals that the other miners did not die as a result of the collapse, but were murdered by Warden. One year later to the day, Warden awakes from his coma and continues his killing spree, returning to the now abandoned mineshaft where a high school rave is going on. He quickly dispatches all but four teens before the local police track him down and shoot him.

The rest of the film takes place ten years later, following the lives of the four teens who survived. When a killer dressed in the same miners outfit as Warden begins stalking the streets, everyone becomes suspicious of one another. Their names aren’t important because in this version of the film, the plot isn’t important. I’m certain fans of the original will be more than disappointed.

The entire movie can be summed up as cool-looking 3D murder sequences interspersed with a really unexciting story. Though flames don’t literally seem to fill the theater, some shots, such as Warden whipping a pick-axe at the screen, looked pretty amazing in 3D. But a lot of the effects-filled sequences are short-lived, and you’re stuck sitting through the rest of the film in between. The story maybe have been original back in the early 80’s, but today it is nothing new or even remotely creative and it all leads up to an ending that felt like it was taken out of the big book of horror movie cliches.

In short, My Bloody Valentine will be a big letdown if you go into it expecting anything more than you would a 3D amusement park ride. The story from the original is now only there to fill gaps between visual sequences around which the entire film and its promotions were built. If you just want to see some gross stuff fly of the screen at you and get a good laugh or if you enjoyed the original and want to see the remake treatment, it may be worth sitting through once. It’s not a terrible film, but when the 3D gimmick is taken away, little substance is left behind.