It’s been a rough week for fangirls and guys around the world: Han Solo broke his leg, possibly delaying the new Star Wars film. It is now a whopping 279 days until the next new episode of Game of Thrones (not that I’m counting). And to rub salt in our collective wounds, a new trailer for Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is circulating, which replaces our childhood icons with duck-lipped, CGI creations that look nothing like they did in their previous movies. And that’s just Megan Fox – the Turtles look even weirder.

But fear not, gentle reader – I come bearing glad tidings. This #NCBD is a veritable cornucopia of comic book riches, just waiting to be consumed by your eager eyeballs.

So dig into my top 3 picks of the week below, and then check out my new “rewind” section, where I tell you about a couple books you might’ve missed from last week.

Wednesday is upon us, and your journey is about to begin. Like the fabled Holy Grail, a shiny new batch of comic books await your discovery…but unfortunately, you cannot purchase them all.

Will you choose wisely – as Indiana Jones did in the Last Crusade – escaping with the coveted treasure, or will you choose poorly, causing the flesh to explode from your bones, leaving nothing but your ash-covered, skeletal remains?

Fear not, noble adventurer – I’m here to help. Here are some of the best comics of the week, and why you should read, bag and board them.

Rat Queens #3 (Image Comics – $3.50) returns this month, with two different covers by Roc Upchurch. And each cover, upon inspection, perfectly reflects the tone of the series.

Cover A depicts the titular quartet of hell-raising women doing what they do best: wreaking havoc. Creatures are stabbed, blood flies, and Hannah, the Elven mage, conjures a little magic to top it off. Cover B is more of a pin-up, but Violet – the hipster Dwarf – isn’t your stereotypical comic book pin-up model. She’s filthy, bloodstained, and beaten from her most recent brawl, with a nasty gash marking her left cheek. The look on her face says it all; it feels like a derisive message to the status quo, breaking through the fourth wall. “No, I’m not a sex kitten in a spandex outfit…I kick asses for a living. Deal with it.”

Yes, I admit it: one of the best comics I’ve read this year is about magical orgasms. This week, Sex Criminals #3 (Image Comics – $3.50), written by Matt Fraction and illustrated by Chip Zdarsky, will be the first book I tear into the moment I get home from collecting my stash.

My name is Blake Northcott, and I have a comic book addiction.

And Image Comics is to blame.

It seems like every Wednesday, an Image title forces me to jump in my car and race to the comic book store, shotgunning Red Bulls while ignoring stoplights and pedestrians along the way. The action/drama set in an all-too-realistic dystopian future, Lazarus, is on my pull list. Breakthrough artist of the year Jon “˜Roc’ Upchurch makes newcomer Rat Queens a monthly must-read. Matt Fraction’s Sex Criminals is one of the most unique books I’ve read in years. And Mark Millar’s Jupiter’s Legacy has become a personal obsession (with issue #3 being the single best issue of any comic I’ve read in 2013).

With that, here’s my 3 hottest New Comic Book Day picks for October 30, 2013.